World Cup Blog

All Hail The Great Lankinho

By Mike Martin ⋅ June 16, 2006 ⋅  Print This Post ⋅ Post a comment

Mike Martin on why England fans must learn to love - and how England players must learn to use - Mr Peter Crouch.

As England struggled to finish off an unambitious Trinidad & Tobago side, many fans in Nüremberg bemoaned the fortunes of Peter Crouch, a striker so badly employed by his team-mates it is hardly surprising that he didn’t set the world alight until his extremely welcome 83rd minute goal.

Crouch only really has two faults; a feeble physical strength and mobility, given his size, and an inability to put away chances. As a team player he is ideal; good skill, excellent ball control and, crucially in this England team, the ability to make good decisions quickly about ball distribution. To make a tenuous comparison to the Brazilians, he is closer to Kaká than Adriano, whatever shape he is.

Were Peter Crouch 5 feet 7 tall, rather than his distinctive 6 feet 7 stance, the fact that he can’t play as an out-and-out target man up front would be irrelevant. It is his height, and his height alone, that makes people expect him to be England’s Jan Koller, a player to aim for with crosses and man that will hold the ball up while the cavalry arrive. He is not, in essence, a centre forward, but a second striker, a playmaker and forward who will chip in with a few goals here and there. The problem is; so is Wayne Rooney and he is much better than Crouch. In fact, he is much better than everybody else in the world apart from Ronaldinho.

Tangentally, Crouch is being accused by Trinidad & Tobago’s defender Brent Sancho of pulling his hair as he scored England’s first goal in their 2-0 victory. (Listen, by the way, to the Swedes and French sighing in envy in the background.) Well done him. For two matches Crouch has been penalized by befuddled and punctilious referees for a succession of fouls ranging from the spurious to the entirely fictional.

Trinidad & Tobago, by the way, deserve little credit, if any at all, for a brutal, conservative and over-zealous performance. Forgivable with ten men against Sweden, maybe, but unnecessary and unattractive with eleven. It is a sad day for the World Cup, and a bad reflection on FIFA qualification policy, when a team can reach the World Cup despite being so poor they are sent out to achieve three 0-0 draws. Peter Crouch’s headed goal was a triumph not just for the player himself, but for football, as he pulled the pigtails, literally and metaphorically, of every overly defensive and physical side in the tournament.

(Mike Martin is a freelance writer and sports journalist. Contact him at mjefm@hotmail.com.

Tags: England, Peter Crouch, Trinidad & Tobago

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