Mike Martin presents the awards FIFA couldn’t be bothered with…
‘SEXY FOOTBALL’ AWARD - MOST ENTERTAINING TEAM: Germany
‘NORWAY DIDN’T QUALIFY’ AWARD - LEAST ENTERTAINING TEAM: Poland
‘UNDER-ACHIEVERS’ AWARD - MOST DISAPPOINTING TEAM: England, followed by Czech Republic
‘OVER-ACHIEVERS’ AWARD - RUBBISH TEAM THAT DID WELL: Portugal
‘CLIVE THOMAS’ AWARD - WORST REFEREEING DECISION: Valentin Ivanov, for not sending off Luís Figo for head-butting Mark van Bommel
‘YES MINISTER’ AWARD - WORST INCIDENCE OF FIFA IMPOTENCE: Not suspending Luís Figo for head-butting Mark van Bommel, or Thierry Henry for his dive against Spain.
‘LIVERPOOL IN A CUP FINAL’ AWARD - BEST GAME: Croatia 2 Australia 2
‘ARSENAL IN A CUP FINAL’ AWARD - WORST GAME: (Shared) Mexico 0 Angola 0, Switzerland 0 Ukraine 0
‘HOW DID THEY QUALIFY?’ AWARD - WORST TEAM: Togo, closely followed by Trinidad & Tobago
‘IF ONLY’ AWARD - TEAM THAT WOULD HAVE MADE THE WORLD CUP BETTER: Cameroon, in place of Togo or Angola.
‘PELÉ DOESN’T KNOW EVERYTHING’ AWARD - BEST AFRICAN TEAM: Ghana
‘SCOTLAND’ AWARD - GALLANT FIRST ROUND ELIMINATION: Ivory Coast
‘DYING SWAN’ AWARD - WORST DIVER: Cristiano Ronaldo
‘SCOTTISH GOALKEEPER’ AWARD - OH, COME ON: Zeljko Kalac of Australia
‘RONNIE WHELAN’ AWARD - MOST HILARIOUS OWN GOAL: Christian Zaccardo
‘BURTON ALBION’ AWARD - SHOCK RESULT THAT WASN’T A WIN: Trinidad & Tobago 0 Sweden 0
‘HOME BANKER’ AWARD - GAME THAT WENT WITH THE FORMBOOK: Japan 1 Brazil 4
‘WE’RE MEMBERS HERE, HONEST’ AWARD - TEAM THAT WEREN’T WORLD CUP DEBUTANTS BUT MIGHT HAS WELL HAVE BEEN: Australia
‘MARIO STANIC v WEST HAM, 2000′ AWARD - GREAT GOAL BY AN OTHERWISE RUBBISH PLAYER: Mohamed Kader, Togo v South Korea
‘BETTER THAN IN JAPAN’ AWARD - MOST IMPROVED TEAM SINCE 2002: Saudi Arabia
‘ON THE WANE’ AWARD - MOST WORSENED TEAM SINCE 2002: U.S.A.
‘NOBODY GOES HOME EMPTY HANDED’ AWARD, OR THE SHREWSBURY CUP (WORLD CUP EDITION) - MOST UNINTERESTING TEAM, FOR BETTER OR WORSE: Switzerland
(Mike Martin is a freelance writer and sports journalist. Contact him at mjefm@hotmail.com)
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