Premier League

The months of waiting are over. The Premiership is back bigger, stronger and with new, improved balls. Gone are the empty summer Saturdays spent feigning interest in otherwise worthy pursuits such as meeting new people, spending quality time with your family and listening when your spouse talks.

In its place? A veritable feast of sumptuous footballing action from all the usual suspects topped with some delicious new ones. And with the festivities underway it is with great annoyance that we are so soon able to wash down our first mouthfuls, collectively belch, loosen our belts and reflect on the talking points thanks to the irritant that is the international break. So be it.

We begin with the conclusion of the lengthy wrangling over at Aston Villa and what could prove to be the single shrewdest signing of the summer, that of Martin O’Neill by the newly departed and perennially vilified Doug Ellis. For years Villa have borne the patronising moniker of ‘a sleeping giant’ and that giant has snoozed his way through many a false dawn. But this time he appears to be stirring. Villa look a different side so far this season and, though obviously still early days, it seems as though O’Neill has exercised his mastery of man management skill on yet another fortunate group of players. Indeed, a group of players one would mockingly have dubbed as unfortunate not four months ago.

Transfer activity at Villa Park has been minimal this close season; the change has come from above. First a new manager, then a new chairman and all followed by the sometimes-cursory change in fortune. However, football fans around the country will be feeling that O’Neill has what it takes to inspire similar performances beyond this honeymoon period.

Let us not get carried away. Villa has no chance of breaking the top four this season. Even a UEFA Cup place may be beyond them this term given the lack of time the manager will have to bring in new players but it is certainly not unthinkable. Their fans will enjoy more than a sprinkle of newfound optimism on their pre match pie and chips. I know what you’re thinking. ‘Optimism? In Birmingham? Whatever next?’ Don’t be surprised if it’s a Carling Cup and European football (Note: If you’re reading this in Birmingham: op-ti-mism  [op-tuh-miz-uhm] –noun a disposition or tendency to look on the more favorable side of events or conditions and to expect the most favourable outcome).

Least we forget that the vast majority of that success was achieved on a pauper’s wage in comparison to the relative king’s ransom the maverick Irishman now has at his disposal. We watch with whetted appetite. And I’m sure I’m not alone in welcoming Martin O’Neill back in to the Premiership fold and post-match interview arena with open arms and a double, European kiss on the cheek. Congratulations to Martin, on finally landing that audition for the Man Utd job.

And whilst we’re welcoming great characters back in to our game in a slightly homo-erotic manner, we cannot go any further without extending that courtesy to a certain Roy Keane. December 2nd sees his Sunderland side matched for the first time under his stewardship against his nemesis Mick McCarthy’s Wolves. I may need a private booth.

Though this Keane’s first forage into management one can’t help but wonder what this most passionate, driven and successful of men to have graced and conquered our game can achieve when you consider what he has learned along the road from Ferguson and Clough. Both these great managers imparted knowledge with every passing breath and only a fool could fail to have learned. A fool he is not. His appointment is a breath of fresh air to a club that has been choking under a cloud of mediocrity and underachievement for far too long.

The flaws of examining the state of play too closely too soon are highlighted still further when studying the top scorers list. What odds would you have got pre-season for seeing the names Bobby Zamora and Kanu sitting pretty at the top of this particular table?

A glance up from the Championship to the Premiership table shows us that only Manchester United have survived the season openers unscathed and with a full quota of points. They have shown class and guile in their first three games but the road is long. We must account for Chelsea’s imminent return to championship form as well as the calibre of United’s opponents thus far. Then there’s Arsenal and Liverpool to, at the very least, consider. They can, however, only beat what is served up before them and they have done so with a swagger.

Ferguson is attempting to add to the squad but has been frustrated in his attempts yet again to replace Keane and van Nistelrooy. Reports of Beelzebub and Shergar having each signed a pre-contract have proved wide of the mark and the gloss on United’s current form may well fade by February if he is thwarted any further in his pursuit of reinforcements.

The flaws of examining the state of play too closely too soon are highlighted still further when studying the top scorers list. What odds would you have got pre-season for seeing the names Bobby Zamora and Kanu sitting pretty at the top of this particular table?

One can’t help but feel that if anyone at all could have envisaged this result, it could only have been Harry Redknapp himself. Kanu, David James and Sol Campbell look like being three more in the ever-growing list of inspired signings made by Redknapp – though West Ham fans will remind their south coast counterparts that Harry is partial to the odd mule of a signing every now and again.

Arsene Wenger and Jose Mourinho will both be disappointed to have lost great players to one another but both will be equally pleased with the calibre of the replacements snared. Gallas and Cole will stroll into their respective first teams.

Staying in London, Alan Pardew must be wondering which lamp he accidentally rubbed to have been blessed with the signing of two Argentinean World Cup stars in the shape of Javier Mascherano and Carlos Tevez. Their talent is unquestionable. Their motives, however, are yet to be discerned. Nonetheless, Pardew will sleep with a smile on his face and a song in his heart content in the knowledge that he has completed one of the best bits of business of the summer.

However, a certain Glenn Roeder pipped him to that honour. I refer not here to the mouth-watering prospect of Obafemi Martins turning out for the Magpies on a regular basis this season but rather to the sale of Jean Alain Boumsong to Juventus for £3.25million. Newcastle shelled out £8million to bring the French ‘ace’ to St James’ Park and have therefore made a loss of £4.75million on him. Those of you that saw him play over the last two seasons will know that Roeder and Shepherd have still made the deal of the season.

And finally, a quick word to Bradley Orr and Louis Carey of Bristol City regarding the fistfight these two teammates engaged in during their recent match against Northampton Town. Gentlemen, pugilism has no place in the playing of the game of football! So please accept my sincerest gratitude for serving it up for us whilst the ball was out of play. And remember to jab. Dyer, Bowyer, take note.

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