Global, Premier League

It’s been a fortnight of shocking decisions. Chris Tarrant decided to cheat on his wife. Coronation Streets’ Bradley Walsh decided on a discreet visit to a sex club, Kate Moss decided to jump Pete Doherty in the rehab clinic and FIFA, in their infinite wisdom, decided that England has merited a hike up the world rankings to 4th.

It is a decision presumably based on our out-standing World Cup performance and backed up by our momentous victories over footballing giants Macedonia and Andorra. World Champions Italy moved also, to 5th.

Away from the international scene and, like a young couple attempting to prolong coitus, the Premiership season has been a stop start affair thus far but grateful we are for what is proving to be another titillating romp. The last two weeks has produced a panoply of comment-worthy moments and it is only right that we peruse them with the bright eye and bushy tale they deserve.

Arsenal made the first real impact upon the re-start by reining in the Premiership leaders Manchester United at Old Trafford. Alex Ferguson had branded this young but talented Arsenal side a team in transition in the lead up to the game only to go on and lose to them. Ferguson may yet be proved right, however. Up until this game Arsenal had endured their worst start to a Premiership season as they struggled to come to terms with life at their new home and without their retired talisman Dennis Bergkamp. With this in mind their victory over United at Old Trafford, bereft of the ammunition that is Thierry Henry and Robin van Persie, is all the more impressive. Perhaps the Arsenal players were more at home in the Theatre of Dreams than they have been at Ashburton Grove.

Bobby Zamora then proved that in-form strikers really are priceless. In West Ham’s 1-1 draw with Aston Villa, he did everything in his power to get out of the way of Paul Konchesky’s goal bound header only for it to cannon off his rear and past a stranded Thomas Sorensen. Carlos Tevez, Jason Euell and Darren Bent, take note.

The goalless draw between Bolton and Middlesborough was notable for two reasons, neither of which are the class and or style of football on display. It was a tale of two cities in that Bolton fielded 10 different nationalities in their starting eleven, with Senegal the only country represented twice. Conversely, Middlesborough had six hometown players in their line up and have eighteen 1st team players in their current squad under the age of 22. A commendable investment in youth and local talent that they’ll be hoping pays off. Jonathan Woodgate may also have been the first on-loan player to captain a side in the Premiership though any information to the contrary would be welcomed.

Kudos must go to the staff and players of Everton, Aston Villa and, most notably, Portsmouth for sensational starts to their respective seasons. These three all look like different sides to the ones that stumbled last term and will be keen to maintain such fine form

Xabi Alonso proved that he is a real talent with his second goal from his own half in his short carer at Liverpool so far. His strike against Newcastle truly was sensational and will more than likely be awarded the Goal of the Season award come May. However, both Xabi himself and the Liverpool fans at large owe a debt of gratitude to the commentator on Liverpoolfc.tv’s coverage of the game for his helping hand in the proceedings as he shamelessly administered the commentator’s curse. A matter of minutes before the goal he remarked that the Toon Army’s stand in goalkeeper, Steve Harper, had “not put a foot wrong all game”. He then obliged us with two.

As expected, we have witnessed Chelsea return to the sort of consistency that may well deliver a landmark third successive League title to Stamford Bridge whilst Arsenal and Liverpool both seemed to have turned a corner also. Though, with Manchester United dropping points of late, this threesome’s threat to the defending champions looks a little short of the pre-season posturing.

Kudos must go to the staff and players of Everton, Aston Villa and, most notably, Portsmouth for sensational starts to their respective seasons. These three all look like different sides to the ones that stumbled last term and will be keen to maintain such fine form. Andy Johnson has done his England claims the world of good and looks like being the prolific striker Everton have lacked over the years. If he stays injury free expect the Toffees to keep racking up points.

Villa look rejuvenated under O’Neill but much will depend on what he can do in the January transfer window. The Villa manager is still working with inherited players and will be keen to stamp his mark on the squad in the same way that his first signing, Stilian Petrov, has done since his move from Celtic. One suspects that, with Randy Lerner’s money and desire to ingratiate himself to the fans, January will be a very interesting time at Villa Park.

Elsewhere, Bryan Robson has left his post as manager of West Bromwich Albion by “mutual consent”, presumably a career in motivational speaking or stand up comedy lies in wait. Of course I jest, but if Captain Marvel is indeed looking for a career change there appears to be a vacancy in the Z list movie star world as an infamous, 35-year-old Stan Collymore is hankering for a return to Premiership football – or so various internet reports claim. Fresh from his cameo in Basic Instinct II, he apparently has offers from numerous clubs, including one from the Premiership, but is still holding out for “the right offer”.

It is worth taking this opportunity to condemn reports that Stan landed the aforementioned role in Basic Instinct II after having reportedly excelled as ‘the blurred out area’ of the Sharon Stone leg-crossing scene in the original.

Finally, The FA are to investigate the bung allegations that have been levelled at Sam Allardyce and Harry Redknapp. The two are, of course, innocent until proven otherwise and all of football hopes they’re as good as their word but something tells me they will be embraced as loveable rogues, as is the British way, whatever the outcome of the investigation. They’re both great managers and the Premiership is most definitely the richer for their presence in our game. Long may it continue.

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