Fulham, Premier League

Managers just love the celebrity life as the sound of the rain soothes

Guess who’s back? Actually, only Chris Coleman and Sam Allardyce, who both made miraculous recoveries after leaving their showbiz jobs in the Premiership. Football is, apparently, a form of entertainment and in the world of celebrity, the biggest earner is the greatest star. With the Premiership’s new, record television deal, analysts have ventured out of [...]

Guess who’s back? Actually, only Chris Coleman and Sam Allardyce, who both made miraculous recoveries after leaving their showbiz jobs in the Premiership. Football is, apparently, a form of entertainment and in the world of celebrity, the biggest earner is the greatest star. With the Premiership’s new, record television deal, analysts have ventured out of their burrows to confirm this ‘Premiership’ phenomenon is indeed the best league in the world. Shame about the quality though.

There is no doubt the ex-Fulham boss enjoys flaunting his ‘take that Jose Mourinho’ looks on Match of the Day. Such is his charm that the wife became jealous and suspicious that Coleman was having an affair, and promptly bugged his car. Talk about low self-esteem. These grown men speak about the ‘drug’ of football management, and unless the LMA is behind its distribution, it seems the adrenaline rush comes not from educating your squad and taking training with them; even the sensation of winning doesn’t quite make the grade. Instead, it is the chance to be haughty in front of the cameras and enjoy the other manager’s looks of envy for an entire week.

Sadly, in Coleman’s case, it was usually only seven days, such was Fulham’s inconsistency. The unemployed Welshman could only find stories about Lawrie Sanchez in the papers, and was beginning cold turkey treatment before the cravings kicked in again. A quick phone call – against doctor’s orders it must be added – to the MOTD 2 team secured a place on the sofa, leaving Gavin Peacock in need of accommodation after the BBC dumped him for the better looking man. Nights hidden amongst clothes lines look set to come to an end for Peacock and a dreaded return to Radio Five Live, with its low-priced equipment and expenses spared policy, is probable.

The pair of esteemed managers declared they would be spending their unprecedented free time with their families, yet seemingly after a couple of days with wife and kids, it got a little mundane; for football is their true love. So viewers saw Coleman relaxed, at ease, looking sensually towards Adrian Chiles and/or the camera. There was even a moment when the camera shot captured all three – Lee Dixon the other – and Coleman appeared to be making gestures to someone behind these cameras. By all accounts, it was just part of the ploy to maintain his ‘cool’, nonchalant image.

While Coleman stayed away for a good few weeks, Allardyce apparently had even less time for his family. Remarkably, just two days after leaving Bolton, Steve Rider was sitting alongside him with an increasingly ill-looking Andy Townsend also there. Allardyce even prolonged his stay at the Reebok Stadium for two weeks just so he could remain on the drug. Rider – the face of BBC’s anti-football agenda on Grandstand for so many years – made an utterly timid attempt at squeezing information from Allardyce yet seemed quite pleased with his efforts if his smirk is anything to judge by. After so many years of not even mentioning the ‘F’ word on BBC One, Rider has yet to convert himself and ITV seriously lacks any presenter who is truly enamored with the sport (we all love Jim Rosenthal’s sparkling, if synthetic, smile, but boxing and F1 is more his scene).

It is no surprise Coleman and Allardyce departed their jobs, although in differing manners, near the end of the season. A job for each awaits in late May or early June and they can then top-up on this mystery drug. Whether it is stronger than recreational drugs is unknown, but it does seem to hold a similar effect in ensuring users put it before anything else in their life. Messrs Coleman and Allardyce are expected again on our screens before the end of the season, and then again to rant at referees in August.

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If Andy Gray’s impassive analysis failed to send you into dreamland, then the patter of rain surely did. Sky Sports 1 was unusually conscious of what viewers wanted on Wednesday evening. Instead of a frightened Manchester United team being hammered taking the viewer’s attention, the pit-pat of rain soothed the mind, more so than if Gray, Jamie Redknapp, David Platt and Gary McAllister had all been tied-up and gagged, live and exclusive on Sky Sports Xtra (they asked Redknapp to spell the name of this channel).

So when Kaka opened the scoring, missing were the usual cries of complaint from the armchair fans. The commentators were silenced and consequently drowsiness engulfed living rooms along with an acceptance that whatever would be, would be.

The two day advert for the English game has proved more of an effort to promote Spain’s La Liga as the best league en el mundo, and Richard Scudamore will have to be at his charming best to convince companies who invested in the new TV deal that Aston Villa versus Fulham matches will make it all worthwhile. What’s his secret? The Norfolk accent of course. It goes down a real treat with foreigners.

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