Arsenal

Grand Sham Sunday

By Alan Gardner ⋅ March 23, 2008 ⋅  Email This Post ⋅  Print This Post ⋅ Post a comment

So, thanks to Sky’s beneficent patronage of our beautiful game, we can all tuck into our Easter eggs happy in the thought that a true footballing feast is to be served up later this Sunday. Yes, staring at the tele with chocolate round our mouths will be as much effort as is required before our senses are fair emulsified by the neuron-shorting profundity of the round ball entertainment scheduled in for some brass-knobs Sky treatment.

The last such blockbuster, also calendared around a major religious festival, ended with two 1-0 results, and hardly enough drama to warrant the CGI expended on the build-up. In early November, at the again Sky-manipulated kick-off time of 12.45, Arsenal and Manchester United played out an enthralling 2-2 draw - however, the signs of turgid cancellation football were visible once more in Rafa Benitez’s first big four away-point at Stamford Bridge in February.

In fact, the only time there has been more than a single goal between two of the country’s leading quartet at all in the league this season was in Avram Grant’s first game as Chelsea manager (2-0 to United, incidentally) - and no amount of Photoshopped ‘epic’ montages of big four players striding across an apocalyptic battleground is going to convince me that today is likely to change that statistic significantly, even if they do manage to sum up how grim and joyless the occasion will be.

Murdochian glove-puppet and fanfare foghorn Andy Gray knows the score (or perhaps the lack of it) - note the desperation edging his words on the Sky Sports website. “This might be the weekend they just unleash themselves and go at it,” Andy clutches admirably, clearly envisaging the Benitez bus pulling up in front of the Stretford End, or the dual 4-5-1 formations on the Chelsea and Arsenal teamsheets. Last year, Sir Alex’s ninth title was clinched by Chelsea’s failure to beat Arsenal (1-1), while the Blues then failed to gain even the slightest sniff of hollow vengeance a few days later, drawing (0-0) at home to the Devils. With today’s clashes being at the sharp and pointy end of the season once again, can we expect anything other than football with the beauty ruthlessly stripped away?

Gone are the days when United could beat Arsenal 6-1 at Old Trafford, or even 4-2 at Highbury; when Chelsea could concede three in the last 15 minutes at home to the Gunners; or when Liverpool could lose by three clear goals in front of their own fans to a Jose Mourinho-led Chelsea, something that happened as recently as 2005. The 4-1 drubbing suffered by Arsene Wenger’s team at Anfield last season was an anomaly caused by both teams being already out of the title race. Convergence at the summit has led to a dreary staleness in the football on offer as the big four hoard what they’ve got, rather than risking something in order to gain, well… an ever-so-slightly bigger slice of the Sky pie, presumably.

‘Grand Slam Sunday’ seems to be a 2007/08 concept (I’m sure ‘Super Sunday’ used to be as good as things got), and last season the big four only played each other once on the same day (Chelsea 1-0 Liverpool; Man United 0-1 Arsenal). However, as a contrivance it is both wearisome in that it is hyped to wherever Kingdom come went to, and that it disregards the enjoyment of watching football purely for football’s sake, and not because of what’s at stake (ie. money, advertising, ill-treasured baubles). It’s unfortunate that in spite of all the hoopla, GSS is like a circus with all the gags removed for health and safety reasons. Still, at least there’ll be some clowns on show, I suppose…

Tags: Grand Slam Sunday, Sky Sports

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