The Monday Miscellany

Everything we know about international football is wrong.

England, playing measured, intelligent, possession-based football, outplay and beat a German side lacking confidence and authority.  Stewart Downing plays like Rivaldo, delivering accurate crosses and set pieces; Wayne Bridge and Matthew Upson look solid and dependable.

England are without Wayne Rooney, Joe Cole, Steven Gerrard and Frank Lampard yet appear to have strength in depth while Germany – who, contrary to what they’d like you to believe, have seven of their recognized first-choice XI start the match – look bereft of talent and spirit.

England pass the ball accurately, as a rule, and sometimes productively, whereas the Germans appear uncomfortable and hurried on the ball.  The England supporters, for the most part, are in good spirit while it is England’s opponents who are booed off by their own supporters.

An international friendly beset by injuries to key players on both sides provides a competitive, memorable match played with a competitive ethos.  In fact, the England manager manages to show authority when faced with Premier League managers desperate to withdraw their players.  Most extraordinarily of all, several of the absentees’ injuries turn out to be genuine.

For those wanting to grasp hold of reality, other matches were more reassuring.  France are still poor – they drew 0-0 with Uruguay at the Stade de France; Brazil have remembered how to score, thrashing Portugal 6-2 in Brasilia; Scotland still haven’t won a friendly at Hampden Park since a 1-0 win over Australia in the mid-90s.

There were competitive matches in North America and Asia.  Jamaica, ever-improving under their new coach John Barnes, beat Canada 3-0 in Kingston but were still unable to reach the final round of the CONCACAF World Cup qualifiers as Honduras beat Mexico 1-0.  Sven-Göran Eriksson’s position as Mexico coach is already under threat, with just one point from three away matches and the ignominy of Honduras beating them to top spot in Group 2.

In Group 1, Trinidad & Tobago needed a point at home to Cuba to progress, which they achieved with a routine 3-0 win.  The USA, Costa Rica and El Salvador complete the line-up for the final group of six teams, from which the top three qualify for South Africa automatically and the fourth play-off against the team that finished fifth in the South American league.

In Asia, away wins for Australia and Japan in Bahrain and Qatar respectively put them in a strong position in Group A.  The big game in Group B saw South Korea notch an impressive 2-0 win against Saudi Arabia in Riyadh, while the United Arab Emirates got their first point of the final group stage win a 1-1 home draw against Iran.  The only competitive match in Europe saw the Czech Republic win 3-0 in San Marino.

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The morning after England’s limp 2-2 draw with the Czech Republic in a Wembley friendly, there was a Five Live phone-in asking the question, “What have our Olympians got that the England football team don’t?”  An interesting and, at the time, highly pertinent debate ensued but the question was asked the wrong way round.

What do the England football team have that the cyclists, not to mention rowers and sailors, don’t?  Opposition.  I bow to nobody in my admiration for the British track cycling team, whose sheer domination over the rest of the world is extraordinary, but that is largely down to patriotism and a desire to thrash Australia at any sport going on my part.  Even the 2003 Rugby World Cup triumph was achieved against greater depth of opposition and rugby is by no means a universal world sport.

There are many Olympic sports which are simply off the financial radar of developing or emerging nations.  When England play in a FIFA World Cup, they are up against credible challenges from all around the world.  Such is the complex, expensive technology required by the elite sailors, rowers and cyclists that for most of the world those sports are off limits.  That is not the case with swimming, athletics or football, which is why Rebecca Adlington, Christine Ohoruogu and Wayne Rooney are my own personal sports personalities of the year.

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When Arsène Wenger chooses Arsenal’s new captain, he might want to reflect on the reasons why his last two appointments haven’t worked particularly well.  Both Thierry Henry and William Gallas appear to have been given the armband in order to keep them at the club; for that reason, we shouldn’t be too surprised if Cesc Fàbregas were to be made captain (Post Script: he just has), even though Kolo Touré or even Mikaël Silvestre would have more experience.

While we’re on the subject of Arsenal, it is generally agreed that it would be folly for Wenger to throw caution to the wind and promote some of his outstanding youngsters into the first team for Premier League games; they lack experience and the nous required at the top level.  But do Arsenal’s senior players include a proper left-winger of the quality of Jack Wilshere?  All they did at Manchester City on Saturday was prove the musings of William Gallas correct, however injudicious they may have been.

Don’t be daft, though, and put money on Arsenal being beaten to a Champions League place by Aston Villa.  They still have some proper footballers – Fàbregas, Emmanuel Adebayor, Tomás Rosicky, Eduardo, Theo Walcott, Bacary Sagna and Kolo Touré – to come back from suspension or injury and Aston Villa have been every bit as prone to illogical defeats as the team from the Emirates Stadium; witness their loss at Stoke and their capitulation at home to Middlesbrough.

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The draw for the 2009 FIFA Confederations Cup was made on Saturday – no, please, come back, this one’s interesting.  Brazil weren’t seeded, nor the European champions Spain, who are without question the best team in the world but it didn’t really matter given the small scale of the competition.

Hosts South Africa, for whom the tournament constitutes a World Cup dress rehearsal on and off the pitch, have improved – relatively speaking – of late, winning home friendlies against decent African opponents in Ghana and Cameroon.  They have a promising forward in Bernard Parker, who may at last provide Benni McCarthy with the partner he has craved ever since Siyabonga Nomvethe quietly left the international scene.

What is more, they have escaped a tricky draw, with two of the ‘big three’ – world champions Italy, Euro 2008 winners Spain and Copa América holders Brazil – going in the other group.  Bafana Bafana will face Spain but only after more manageable fixtures against the tournament’s two poorest teams – by some distance – in Iraq and New Zealand.  The second might be quite a good match, if only it were 15-a-side and with a funny shaped ball.  To conclude, South Africa may get to the semi finals and a likely plum draw against Brazil or Italy.

Group B, meanwhile, sees those two footballing gladiators pitted against the U.S.A. and Egypt, although by the time the two giants meet each other in Pretoria on 21 June they may well both have already sealed passage to the semi finals.

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Following my UEFA Cup reminiscence a few weeks ago, there should be a great occasion at Fratton Park on Thursday night as Portsmouth face Milan.  Given that the ludicrous – and, mercifully, doomed – UEFA Cup format sees sides face each other only once in the group stage, it is for the better that Portsmouth are at home.  For all that a trip to the San Siro might have been great for a few thousand Pompey supporters the stadium would probably been less than a third full.  By being at a packed and, doubtlessly, raucous Fratton Park it will be a great occasion as well as a vital match.

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The big match on Saturday was Internazionale 1 Juventus 0 but you could be forgiven for not knowing that.  Serie A, for the first time in nearly two decades, is not broadcast on British television this season; a damning indication of how far the Italian league’s profile has fallen.  Once indisputably the most glamorous league in the world, it is now arguably less palatable than the Bundesliga.

One reason may simply be the quality of the football.  Inter v Juventus was a decent game by any league’s standards but Hamburg’s 2-1 win over Werder Bremen yesterday afternoon was a great game, containing a brilliant free-kick goal from Bremen’s Diego and an unstoppable winner from Ivica Olic; think Geovanni against Arsenal but with the left foot.  Most Bundesliga matches are like that.

With Milan drawing 2-2 at Torino, Inter are looking forward to another procession to the Scudetto but who will win the Bundesliga is anybody’s guess; the table is still topped by minnows 1899 Hoffenheim with a chasing pack of half a dozen credible contenders.

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Watch this clip of Thiago Silva juggling the ball over Cristiano’s head from Brazil’s 6-2 win over Portugal on Wednesday and you’ll understand why its view count is over 35,000 after less than a week.  It got as big a cheer in the stadium as any of the home side’s goals.