The Monday Miscellany

After a string of unimpressive results, Real Madrid’s Chilean coach Manuel Pellegrini is already on the brink of losing his job.  (I am writing this in August and will keep the above sentence in a time capsule underneath our garden shed until it is needed in, say, early November-ish?)

Real Madrid beat Getafe 2-0 on Saturday at the Bernabéu, despite the unlucky dismissal of Raúl Albiol in the first half, thanks to two goals not from one of their stellar new signings but Gonzalo Higuaín, an uncomplicated, competent professional wisely signed by Fabio Capello – who else? – in January 2007.

They go to the San Siro tomorrow to face their demons, the AC Milan side who defeated them 3-2 at the Bernabéu two weeks ago without ever playing particularly well, thanks to a freakishly brilliant long-range goal from Andrea Pirlo and a goalkeeping error so horrendous it should instantly rebuff those who argue that Iker Casillas is the world’s finest goalkeeper.

Milan, you may recall, are so good they managed only to lose 1-0 at home to Zürich, one of the weakest teams remaining in the competition.  In midweek, they blew a 2-0 lead in Naples in injury time having, the previous weekend, required two late goals from Alessandro Nesta, their rehabilitated central defender only recently back after chronic injury robbed him of all of last season, to turn a 1-0 defeat to Chievo into a 2-1 win.

Should Real lose at the San Siro tomorrow, they will almost certainly need something from their final group match against Marseille at the Stade Vélodrome.  Wins in their first two matches, at Zürich and at home to the French side, have put Real in a strong position but if they can lose 4-0 in the Copa del Rey to a third division side, Alcorcón, as they did midweek in the first leg of their fourth round tie, they are more than capable of losing in Milan and Marseille.

Pérez is not a football coach, but a populist.  The problem with public opinion, though, is that it is illogical, reactionary, hysterical, impatient, self-contradictory, unreasonable and simplistic.  No wonder Real Madrid coaches are on a hiding to nothing.  Should Pellegrini be disposed of, as appears inevitable, we can only imagine why any sane coach would want to replace him.

Now that Barcelona are European champions, it has become trendy to declare La Liga once again the strongest league in Europe.  But Atlético Madrid are in the doldrums and do not look like achieving the win over Chelsea necessary to keep alive their already slim hopes of progressing to the second round.  Even Barcelona themselves are hardly assured of progress, with just four points from their first three matches.  Only Sevilla, in a laughably easy group with troubled Stuttgart and Rangers, plus débutantes from Romania, look certain to qualify.

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If we are to have a ‘fit and proper person’ test for prospective club owners, may we not too have one for football players?  Surely, Marlon King, jailed this week for eighteen months for an assault on a women believed to have spurned his sexual advances, would not pass it.

Were King’s criminal convictions – that’s convictions, not mere arrests or occasions on which he has helped police with their enquiries – to appear on the old BBC videprinter the number (14) would have to be spelled out in letters to avoid doubt.  Such is the appalling nature of King’s latest crime, he has been placed on the sex offender register until 2016.

His agent, Tony Finnegan, cannot be criticised for lacking loyalty to his clients: he has already said that once King has served his sentence, there will be clubs ready to take him on, just as Oldham Athletic and then Notts County have given Lee Hughes a contract following his conviction and imprisonment for causing death by dangerous driving.

Alas, he is probably right.  But, although Hughes’s crime had more tragic consequences than King’s, he was not trying to kill Douglas Graham, a passenger in the car with which he collided in Warwickshire.  It was not by accident that King – celebrating, incredibly, his wife’s pregnancy – made advances on a 20-year-old student before punching her in the face.  When viewed alongside his other convictions: theft, criminal damage, drink-driving and common assault, conclusions about King’s character are easily reached.

Hurrah, then, for Dave Whelan, Wigan Athletic chairman, who has summarily and correctly sacked King.  But why they saw fit to sign him in the first place remains a mystery.  We could just about understand it if, like Joey Barton, he were a half-decent footballer but his career has been unremarkable, with a succession of dissatisfied coaches from Hull to Middlesbrough glad to see the back of him.  Wigan fans will tell you that Emile Heskey was no Didier Drogba but King is no Heskey.

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The Hate Match 2™ build-up has begun.  Egypt coach Hassan Shehata has picked his squad for their crucial World Cup qualifying showdown with Algeria a week on Saturday by recalling Borussia Dortmund’s Mohamed Zidan for the first time since the striker opted out of a friendly in August against Guinea.  Zidan, who so tormented the Brazilian defence in the Confederations Cup match in June, could partner Amr Zaki or Emad Moteab, the Al-Ahly striker who at last returns after suffering a knee injury in April.  Zaki’s strike-partner at Zamalek, Mido, is again omitted.

Moteab forms a formidable attacking trio at Al-Ahly known as the “Bermuda triangle”, playing ahead of attacking midfielders Mohamed Aboutrika and Mohamed Barakat.  All three are now united at last in the Egypt squad, with Barakat – the current Egyptian Footballer of the Year and the BBC’s African Footballer of the Year in 2005 – also making an international return of late.

FIFA have announced that, should Egypt beat Algeria by a margin of two goals, a one-off play-off must be held on neutral territory on the Wednesday after the match.  Given the history of trouble between the two sides, it’s safe to assume this is one major sporting occasion that Britain will steer clear of.

The situation sums up perfectly the glorious unpredictability of World Cup qualification in Africa: Egypt are surely one of the two best teams in the continent, along with Ivory Coast, but look set to miss out on the biggest tournament in the game once again.  They have won the African Cup of Nations a record six times but have made the World Cup only once in the modern era, in 1990.

Nigeria are also expected to miss out; the Super Eagles need to win in Kenya and hope Tunisia drop points in Mozambique if they are to avoid missing a second World Cup in a row.  Cameroon must get a result in Morocco if they are to qualify, or Gabon could overtake them if they win in Togo.

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Andy Reid’s superb free-kick goal for Sunderland against West Ham Utd once again requires us to question Giovanni Trapattoni’s logic for omitting him from the Republic of Ireland squad.  Unlike Stephen Ireland, Reid desperately wants to return to international football and is arguably in the best form of his career, having considerably improved his fitness over the summer.

‘Trap’ insists there is nothing personal in Reid’s continuing exclusion from the Irish squad but what other explanation is there?  There can be no doubt he is easily better than either Glenn Whelan or Keith Andrews while Darron Gibson continues to get in despite hardly kicking a ball in anger all season.  RTÉ pundits Eamonn Dunphy and Johnny Giles, not known for keeping their opinions to themselves, know where they stand.  Dunphy described Ireland’s battling 2-2 draw with Italy in October as shameful: “Football people at home will be crying.”  Ireland possess some top flair players in Damien Duff and Aiden McGeady but rarely do both start the same match.

France are likely to be without Bayern Munich winger Franck Ribéry for the World Cup play-off and are hardly in tiptop condition themselves but a midfield consisting of a Whelan-Andrews axis is hardly likely to strike fear into French hearts.

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So Robbie Keane reckons Tottenham Hotspur’s bench is better than Arsenal’s bench?  Judging by Saturday’s shambles at the Emirates, Tottenham’s bench is probably better than Tottenham’s first team.  Luka Modric, Aaron Lennon and Jermain Defoe were all desperately missed while Jonathan Woodgate’s return to full fitness – if it ever happens – cannot come soon enough.

Could Keane’s proclamation become this season’s equivalent of Rafael Benítez’s shopping list of ‘facts’ regarding Sir Alex Ferguson and Manchester Utd last season, which presaged a run of draws against Stoke City, Everton and Wigan Athletic?

Still, it’s a fact (geddit?) that Steven Gerrard will miss Liverpool’s scarily important UEFA Champions League midweek fixture in Lyon.  If Fernando Torres is also not fit, it looks like they can get ready for Europa League football in the new year.  A failure to win on Wednesday night will mean Liverpool cannot finish above Lyon; if they lose, a Fiorentina home win against Hungarian whipping boys Debrecen will mean the Italian side can put Liverpool out by avoiding defeat at home to Lyon on 24 November.