The Monday Miscellany

One of the biggest downside’s of France’s illegitimate win over Ireland was that it distracted our attention from the other main World Cup stories on Wednesday, both within and without the Stade de France.

In Paris, the most remarkable element of the match other than Thierry Henry’s handball was how atrocious France were.  There was no creativity in the side: not from Henry; nor from Yoann Gourcuff, the brilliant Bordeaux playmaker.  Only Nicolas Anelka can be said to have played well, and even he sullied his performance with his dive at the intended expense of Shay Given, the outstanding Irish goalkeeper.

Raymond Domenech has got away with it again; the incompetent French coach saved by an act of flagrant cheating after his ridiculous team selection – playing three strikers and no wingers, along with the unnecessary luxury of two holding midfielders when playing at home – helped Ireland secure a 90 minute win in France for the first time since the 1930s.

If Ireland feel aggrieved by FIFA’s eleventh-hour decision to seed the European Play-Offs, they may take some pleasure at the fantastic success of Slovenia at the expense of the seeded Russians, even if it was only courtesy of the cursed away goals rule.

A country of barely two million souls knocked out the largest nation in the world, a land with nearly 150 million inhabitants.  Slovenia beat Russia 1-0 in the tiny Stadion Ljudski Vrt in Maribor courtesy of Zlatko Dedic’s goal just before half-time, with the away side looking nervous and disjointed.  The ghost of Slovenia’s late away goal in Moscow hung large over the match.

Algeria’s 1-0 tie-break win over Egypt came in an absurd match, in which both sides seemed preoccupied not by scoring goals but by getting opponents sent off.  We may be relieved that these two teams, who bring the worst out of each other in the manner of Chelsea and Barcelona, have been kept well apart in the African Cup of Nations draw.  Egypt produced a desperate second half performance after Antar Yahia’s wonderful half-volleyed goal, with the service to their strikers Mohamed Zidan and Emad Moteab perpetually wayward.  Mohamed Aboutrika, the best playmaker in Africa, was strangely subdued.

So we now know the final 32 participants in next summer’s jamboree.  In continental order: Australia, Japan, North Korea, South Korea; New Zealand; Algeria, Cameroon, Ghana, Ivory Coast, Nigeria, South Africa; Argentina, Brazil, Chile, Paraguay, Uruguay; Honduras, Mexico, United States; Denmark, England, France, Germany, Greece, Holland, Italy, Portugal, Serbia, Slovakia, Slovenia, Spain and Switzerland.

One optimistic note: with the possible exception of New Zealand, there is no truly awful side.  The South American nations all have something going for them; Honduras, now boasting several good Premier League players, will be stronger than were Costa Rica in 2006; the far-eastern nations are getting better all the time and Australia have spared us the catatonic Saudis or Iranians from the Asian confederation.

Even North Korea are defensively highly competent, which should make their games decent contests if not potential shocks.  From Africa, the best teams have qualified this time around, with the sole exception of Egypt.  Angola and Togo, however much fun their following might have been in 2006, brought nothing to the football party.  The World Cup is well served by having Nigeria and Cameroon back on its roll call.  The worst African side, South Africa, will at least have home advantage and the benefit of avoiding the very best sides in the group stage.

Even the unseeded European nations such as Serbia and Slovenia should bring good attacking play to the championship, as opposed to Poland or the dreary Serbia-Montenegro amalgam in 2006.  It’s worth laying decent money that the poor goal tally from last time around, 147, will be bettered in South Africa.

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Tuesday 29th December will be a red letter day round these parts: the big derby between Kirkbymoorside and Pickering in some local FA competition whose name I must now check on the internet.

Kirkbymoorside, who play in the Wearside Football League despite the fact that Kirkbymoorside is south of the North York Moors, were drawn at home but the match has been switched to Mill Lane, Pickering’s ground, a move which will save running costs but cost Kirkbymoorside money through lost bar takings and so on.

Pickering play two divisions higher and their home ground has such luxuries as a stand, seats, a directors’ box and a perimeter fence but also one of the least flat pitches in the country.

Echoes, then, of when Farnborough Town chose to switch their FA Cup tie against Arsenal to Highbury, to the apoplexy of Sky Sports, who chose to show Gillingham v Leeds Utd instead.

It is interesting, though, to remember that many league clubs still take part in their local football association’s ‘Senior Cup’.  Stockport County regularly enter the Cheshire Premier Cup, last season won by Crewe Alexandra.  Whoever wins the big festive period tie could get a plum quarter final against Middlesbrough or York City, who will presumably field a side featuring the tea lady and board of directors.

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Just who, TMM wonders, was so desperately trying to get through to whichever Ipswich-based journalist it was whose mobile rang at that ludicrous Roy Keane press conference?

Could it have been Mick McCarthy, whose number Keane presumably has blocked on his own mobile, pleading with the journo to ask the Ipswich manager why, if he feels so strongly that all illegal goals are the fault of defenders for not having already cleared the ball, his current wards Ipswich Town have one of the most porous defences in the division?

Or might it have been Andy D’Urso, wondering why Keane displayed rather less inclination to ‘get over’ a perceived injustice than he seems to demand of the Irish team when he, along with four other Manchester Utd players, chased the Premier League referee around Old Trafford after he had (correctly) awarded Middlesbrough a penalty in January 2000?

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Should there be any lingering doubt as to who England’s starting right-winger should be come the World Cup, Aaron Lennon’s masterly performance against Wigan Athletic should settle the issue.  For all Theo Walcott’s pace, Lennon has finally learned how to deliver an accurate final ball.  What precision there was on his cross for Steven Gerrard’s first goal against Croatia, or Jermain Defoe’s first of however many he ended up with against Wigan yesterday.

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Usually the week after an international break seems a bit of a comedown, but the Champions League problems of many a former European champion give the midweek fixtures a bit of edge.  I will forgo the pleasure of watching Liverpool scrape a narrow win in Budapest to enjoy Barcelona v Internazionale, a key game which will almost certainly cook the goose of one of the teams involved.

Should Lionel Messi, as speculated today, miss the match there will be even more pressure on Zlatan Ibrahimovic finally to produce the goods in Europe.  The match also sees the return to the Camp Nou of Samuel Eto’o, who really ought to be given the reception his achievements at Barcelona deserve, and José Mourinho, El Traductor: The translator.

Should Rubin Kazan have already beaten Dynamo Kyiv in Russia in the early kick-off, Barça will need at least a draw just to stay in the competition.  The Inter match could take a lot out of them, which will be just what Real Madrid, their next La Liga opponents, will be hoping for.  Real are now top of the table following Barcelona’s 1-1 draw at Athletic Bilbao on Saturday.  The next seven days at the Camp Nou will tell us just how strong Barcelona are post-Eto’o.

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And finally, the African Cup of Nations draw:

GROUP A: Angola, Mali, Malawi, Algeria

GROUP B: Ivory Coast, Burkina Faso, Ghana, Togo

GROUP C: Egypt, Nigeria, Mozambique, Benin

GROUP D: Cameroon, Gabon, Zambia, Tunisia