The Monday Miscellany

We love a good draw, here at Footballing World.  What moment in English club football has more people on the edge of their seats than the draw for the FA Cup third round?  We enjoyed a swift and efficient affair yesterday at Wembley, which threw up some interesting ties.  West Ham Utd v Arsenal should be intense, not to mention Leeds Utd’s trip, Kettering Town permitting, to Old Trafford.  Chelsea have their obligatory home tie against opposition from a lower division, Watford, while the winner of this season’s Stockport Cup – awarded to the most underwhelming tie in the draw – is, er, Stockport County, who, should they win their postponed tie with Torquay Utd, will host Brighton & Hove Albion.

The World Cup Draw on Friday will be quite different.  The draw will be spun out as Sepp Blatter explains every minute technicality in forensic detail for the thickos at the back, a succession of World Cup ‘legends’ are invited onto the stage to share their memories and pick out a couple of balls and, as is customary on these occasions, France get Denmark.

It is not quite as bad as the UEFA Champions League group stage draw, which incorporates the Champions League player awards, interviews with the Final ‘ambassador’, protracted video montages of the participating clubs and David Taylor’s inadequate explanations of the regulations letting us all go to our graves not knowing why Olympiakos could only go into Group F and not Group D.

Barry Davies used to make these occasions bearable, with his dry, deadpan commentaries.  John Motson has retired from live commentary, so it will be up to somebody like Jonathan Pearce or Steve Wilson to remind us of the last time Algeria faced Chile in the World Cup.  (It was 1982, by the way.  Did you think I had to look that up?)

Extensive experiments in this writer’s studio using paper, scissors and an empty Ben And Jerry’s tub have proved that such a draw need take no more than a few minutes.  How I long for the uncomplicated days of Bert Millichip and the old velvet bag.  They might have been old farts, but at least old men are often in a hurry.

***

Regular readers of TMM will know that I have generally steered clear of discussing Chelsea matches to avoid accusations of bias but you did not need to be partial to realize that Arsène Wenger’s post-match assertion that Didier Drogba “didn’t do a lot in the game” was the sort of codswallop he usually produces after Arsenal lose.

How Arsenal could have done with a forward who didn’t do a lot except score a couple of well-taken goals and drag the opposition defence all over North London.  Similarly, how he could have done with a defender as commanding in the air as John Terry, or a left-back so capable in both halves of the pitch as Ashley Cole.

While we’re on the subject, can we not stop the senseless media assertions that Arsenal play the best football in England, and it’s only their inexperience that means they haven’t won an egg-cup since 2005?  Surely, Manchester Utd have played the most entertaining football over the last three seasons: that is why they kept winning the league.

The celebrated Cesc Fàbregas did little except concede the free-kick from which Drogba scored the final goal.  Andrei Arshavin is clearly suffering a hangover from Russia’s failure to qualify for the World Cup, and the same might be said of Croatia’s Eduardo da Silva.

Let’s also dismiss Wenger’s criticism of Andre Marriner – one of the few decent referees in the Premier League – and his decision to correctly penalize Eduardo for dangerous play when kicking the ball out of Petr Cech’s hands with his foot higher than his own head, thereby disallowing Arshavin’s goal.  Excuses, excuses.

Wenger might further worry that Bacary Sagna, a natural right-back, performed significantly worse in that position than did Branislav Ivanovic, a central defender often asked to bluff it at right-back against better opponents in order to provide more defensive cover than would José Bosingwa or Juliano Belletti.

Thomas Vermaelen is, undoubtedly, a very good defender; arguably the best central defender Arsenal have had since Sol Campbell.  He is not the first Arsenal defender to have a nightmare against Didier Drogba – I sighed when I saw Philippe Senderos was not starting – and nor should he be particularly pilloried for his own goal.

***

Following the news that Everton have had planning permission for their new ground in Kirkby denied, now must surely be the time for the two Liverpool-based clubs to come to their senses and start planning for a new, shared home ground.

Expressing this opinion out loud in the past has normally invited derision from the more tribal supporters on Merseyside but perhaps the humdrum nature of yesterday’s derby will crystallize the sense of urgency with which Liverpool and Everton need to arrest their current slump.  Both clubs – albeit for different reasons – seem semi-permanently skint and appear about as likely to ‘move to the next level’ – the title for Liverpool; the UEFA Champions League for Everton – as does Roy Keane to be the next spokesman for the Football Association of Ireland.

Opposition to a single new stadium seems only to be based on one objection: that the fans would feel it ‘beneath’ them to share with ‘the other lot’, which is the kind of hysterical parochial piffle in which football fans seem to specialize.  Hopefully, Liverpool and Everton’s current struggles will make the case for a shared ground even stronger.

The situation seems to work well in Milan and Rome, where each club’s ‘ultras’ have one of the two end stands with the seats in the middle being shared.  In Munich, the stadium even changes colour depending on whether Bayern or 1860 are at home.  One end of my fantasized Stadium Liverpool would have red seats – let’s call it ‘The Kop’ – the other blue.  The Hillsborough memorial could be placed at one end with a statue of an iconic Everton player – Dixie Dean or Duncan Ferguson, for example – at the other.

***

We can only assume Ireland’s request to be included as the 33rd team in the World Cup draw is a gesture from the FAI; they have no chance.  Such a move would create a ridiculous precedent, inviting other countries with play-off grievances to make the same request.

Should Costa Rica be let in, after they felt one of Uruguay’s goals was offside?  What about Russia, who feel aggrieved at the red card shown to Aleksandr Kerzhakov in the second leg against Slovenia?  Or Egypt, who have accused their Algerian opponents of just about every crime short of murder?

There has only ever been one realistic solution and that has been for the Fédération Française de Football to show some nobility and respect for fair play and offer Ireland a one-off replay on neutral territory, in the manner of Algeria v Egypt.  That they have not done so says more about them than the Irish.

***

Zlatan Ibrahimovic, who, apparently, never does it in big matches, has once again done it in a big match, volleying a fine goal to win El Clásico for Barcelona 1-0 at the Camp Nou.

Ibrahimovic’s reputation seems to come from the fact that whenever he’s had a fine match, no English journalists have been watching.  But he was comfortably Sweden’s most (only?) effective player in last year’s European Championship, scoring that wonderful goal against the ultra-defensive Greeks that had lovers of decent football all over the world punching the air.

Cristiano Ronaldo did himself no favours, missing a sitter and being substituted for Karim Benzema after an hour.  The best players on the park, predictably, were Xavi and Andrés Iniesta, whose passing ran Real Madrid ragged all evening.  With Lionel Messi not able to replicate his form from last season, Iniesta must now surely be a realistic candidate for the Ballon d’Or award, announced tomorrow.