The Monday Miscellany

Last week, it transpired that a Chelsea and England defender had acted stupidly in a way that might have caused untold damage to many people’s lives.  Yes, Ashley Cole was caught speeding at around 105mph.

Apparently, there was some other kerfuffle, but as that only involved consensual adults engaging in extra-marital – for one of the two people – intercourse, our national press decided to leave well alone, recognizing that a private life is a private life, no matter how high-profile the person involved.  If only.

The last few days have, I gather, involved newspapers I don’t read leading not so much with stories as a drawn-out episode of the ghastly Jeremy Kyle show.  The culture of WAGs is surely one of football’s most dispiriting modern blights.  Already, pictures of the French woman – I’ve yet to bring myself to commit her name to memory – and Mrs Terry adorn the front pages of Britain’s tabloids.  It is little wonder they both have little clothing on; all their laundry is dirty and being washed rather publicly.  Perhaps the lesson we should learn it is that footballers should choose their girlfriends more wisely.

So John Terry has lost the right to call heads or tails at the start of a match and accept some pennant from an Algeria that will end up over the cistern in the gents’ toilets at Soho Square.  And all because he might have slept with a woman who was not his wife.

Adultery is a form of idiocy which usually carries its own punishment as, one imagines, John Terry is currently discovering in his home life.  But we have a very strange kind of morality when it comes to England players and it all revolves around the ludicrously over-estimation of the importance of captaincy which, unlike in cricket, is little more than a ceremonial rôle.  You can beat your wife and play for England without any questions concerning ‘dressing-room harmony’ being raised.  Cheat on her, with a woman who used to be – but hasn’t been for some time – involved with somebody who used to be – but hasn’t been for some time – a key England player.

There is an extraordinary culture of revisionism in the footballing media.  Only two months ago, Wayne Bridge’s form and fitness were such that people were talking about him being ‘nowhere near’ the England squad.  Suddenly, he is a pivotal figure around whom England’s collective morale revolves.

The only people who genuinely deserve our sympathy are John Terry’s wife and children.  We may also permit Fabio Capello feeling a little aggrieved that he has been presented with such a headache and, of course, Wayne Bridge can become or cease to be friends with whomever he likes.  The rest don’t matter.  The whole palaver has long ago become the most tedious story in sport, overtaking the old union-versus-league debate.  This is already the sort of tiresome story that should be confined to Five Live during rain delays at Wimbledon.

Fabio Capello’s decision was understandable but let’s not be under any illusion that it was anything other than a politically expedient one.  John Terry being captain was causing a media storm, so Capello has – we hope – calmed it all down by giving the armband to somebody else.

Though you might wonder why, if it was essentially a PR decision, Rio Ferdinand, who has a conviction for drink-driving and four driving bans in total, was made captain.  Surely, he is the first player to receive such an honour while serving a four-match suspension for violent conduct.  If the ‘rôle model’ argument – ho hum – is to be used, why give the armband to a man who once had to apologize on national radio for using homophobic language?

If Terry appears a little subdued at the moment – not that his recent performances have suffered – it is surely because of his domestic difficulties.  The captaincy of England is too big a deal.  In Capello’s native Italy, the armband is simply tossed, as an afterthought, in the general direction of whichever player has the most caps.  With all the invasion of privacy that comes with it, perhaps, in the long run, Terry is better off without it.

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Better news for Fabio Capello came in the form of England’s Euro 2012 qualifying group, drawn yesterday lunchtime in Poland.  England are in one of the three smaller five-team groups, with no token fixtures against a tiny nation such as Andorra.  Switzerland, Bulgaria, Wales and Montenegro will all take points off each other but none are so good they will give England, who negotiated a far tougher World Cup qualifying group with their hats on the sides of their heads, no sleepless nights.  Four home wins and you can book the plane tickets to Poland or Ukraine.

Now is the time that Wales must stop being a team building for the future; the future has arrived.  They have a number of players who, despite their youth, seem to have been around for a long time: Aaron Ramsey, still only 18, looks a special talent who has landed on his feet at Arsenal.  Much of the current side come from Brian Flynn’s under-21 side who contested a classic Euro 2009 play-off with England in which Ramsey scored one of the goals of the season at Villa Park.  More senior players: Aston Villa defender James Collins and Manchester City forward Craig Bellamy, are in fine form.

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Another footballing lesson for Arsenal at Stamford Bridge: it doesn’t matter how much possession you have, it’s what you do with it that counts.  From an England point of view, the performance of Theo Walcott was worrying.  The Arsenal winger has made the blind alley his natural habitat and must now be considered some way behind Aaron Lennon, James Milner and even Shaun Wright-Phillips in the England pecking-order.

Better news, though, concerning England’s defenders.  John Terry and Ashley Cole were superb, dealing with any attempt at an Arsenal attack with straight bats.  Excellent, too, was Branislav Ivanovic, a central defender deployed at right-back while José Bosingwa is injured.  Most importantly for Chelsea, Petr Cech was back to his domineering best, producing a fine point-blank save from Andrei Arshavin in the first half and keeping out a Cesc Fàbregas free-kick in the second.