It has been said before in this column that rugby, of both codes, lags some way behind football when it comes to dealing with on-field thuggery. For those who refer to rugby as ‘egg-chasing’ let me fill you in on the details: Schalk Burger, a South African forward with form when it comes to violent conduct, gouged the eyes of Lions winger Luke Fitzgerald in the first minute of Saturday’s second Test in Pretoria.

Eye gouging, along with stamping and spear-tackling, is the scourge of rugby, a universally cowardly act which can very easily leave an opponent blinded for life. That the inept French referee Christophe Berdos, despite being clearly informed by touch-judge Bryce Lawrence that a gouge had taken place, only showed Burger a yellow card, offends logic.

Then there was that great oaf Peter de Villiers, coach of the Springboks, affecting disbelief that Burger was even sin-binned, claiming that gouging was ‘part of the game’. “It’s sport, man. This is what it’s all about.” De Villiers, you may infer, is a moron. South Africa, who should have played the whole match with 14 men - and some of it with 13; hello Bakkies Botha - won by three points. Rugby’s message to the world, as reported by Simon Barnes: Violent cheats prosper.

Bafana Bafana, meanwhile, endeared themselves to world football with their heroics in the knockout phase of the Confederations Cup. With a modest line-up, they held Brazil scoreless for 87 minutes, not by playing Catenaccio spoiling tactics but by dominating the match for long periods, before drawing 2-2 in normal time with the European champions and believe me, Spain were the side flattered by the scoreline.

Compare too the efficiency of officialdom in each sport. There isn’t enough space on this site - indeed, on the whole web - to list the various shortcomings of football’s various tiers of law-enforcement but compare Berdos’s cop-out of a decision - he simply didn’t want to reduce a team to 14 for 79 minutes - with Mike Dean’s immediate sending off of Martin Taylor, the Birmingham City defender who broke Eduardo’s leg two season’s ago. Taylor committed a horrendous tackle and was rightly sent off without hesitation. That only three minutes had elapsed was irrelevant.

Rugby union still has the amateurish public school old-boys in the disciplinary process. The old line that what happens on the pitch should stay on the pitch is as ludicrous now as it was before the dawn of professionalism in 1995. In football you can get sent off for celebrating a goal with your own fans (Arjen Robben, Sunderland v Chelsea 2006). In rugby, you can drive a Lions centre into the ground head-first and get away without censure. Keep up, chaps.

***

The footballing equivalent of Peter de Villiers is probably ‘Phil’ Scolari, the old bruiser who turned Chelsea from Champions League finalists into a basket case in half a season. Previously, Scolari, as coach of Portugal, attracted scorn when he punched Ivica Dragutinovic, the Sevilla left-back, during a Euro 2008 qualifying match with Serbia.

Scolari now has the cheek to blame Petr Cech, Michael Ballack and Didier Drogba for ‘ousting’ him from the Chelsea hot-seat. “Drogba, Ballack and Cech did not accept my training methods or my demands.” What training?

Chelsea were unfit, poorly organized and under-motivated under Scolari. That the arrival of Guus Hiddink immediately solved all these problems does not encourage sympathy for the Brazilian coach. If Scolari wants to know why he was sacked, he should simply get on YouTube and find highlights of Chelsea’s last match of his tenure. They were held at home 0-0 by Hull City, who outplayed them. And Hull were the Premier League’s worst team in 2009.

***

Tonight we will see whether Theo Walcott can play as a striker, as he deputizes up front for the England Under-21s in their European Championship Final against Germany, with both Fraizer Campbell and Gabriel Agbonlahor suspended.

Certainly, Walcott has the pace to be a serious threat to any defense but what of his positional play? Does he have the same instinct to be in the right place at the right time as the Michael Owen (of old) or even Jermain Defoe? And will his finishing finally come up to the standard he set in that fine performance in Croatia?

Walcott often seems most comfortable playing on the left. He is not an orthodox winger, more a Thierry Henry type; lightning pace, good dribbling skills and directness of running. In terms of the Under-21 side, his magnum opus was the second leg of the Euro 2007 play-off in Germany, when he scored twice, the second of which could have been scored by Henry in his pomp at Arsenal. These qualities were on show in the group match against Spain, when he sped down the left to set up the second England goal scored by James Milner.

***

It would appear Michael Owen is on a highway to Hull, with Phil Brown one of few managers prepared to gamble on the former England striker’s fitness. But what curious logic employed by Sam Allardyce, who claims not to be interested in bringing a striker he describes as ‘injury prone’ to Blackburn Rovers yet seems to be flirting with one of Real Madrid’s many Dutchmen, Ruud van Nistelrooy, who is hardly a stranger to the treatment table.

Still, he has offloaded another part-time footballer, Roque Santa Cruz, to Manchester City, where it would appear he will be warming the bench watching Carlos Tévez and Samuel Eto’o lead the line for the world’s richest football team.

All of which has driven Daniel Sturridge, a talented young English forward, into the arms of Chelsea in a transfer which, unusually for the Stamford Bridge side in recent years, shows foresight and a faith in young English players. Here’s hoping he gets plenty of game time, he is surely a better prospect than the returning Andriy Shevchenko, who Chelsea will probably have to entertain for a final season.

Sturridge’s appearances for Manchester City were sporadic but he made such an impact last season at Blackburn Rovers. With City two goals behind with just a couple of minutes remaining, Sturridge scored a fine goal before his mazy run and clever pass set up Robinho for an equalizer which stunned the Ewood Park crowd, not least because it involved the Brazil international hitting the target in an away match.

***

Jack Rodwell, barely 18, is so young he can play not just in the 2011 U-21 European Championship in Denmark, but the one after that in 2013. But has there been another player in the tournament in Sweden who has shown such class, composure and resourcefulness with the football? There is every chance that, by 2013, the Everton player will have bigger fish to fry.

Composure was what England lacked in the second half of their semi-final with Rodwell back on the bench, ripped apart as they were by the tournament’s best player, Sweden striker Marcus Berg, though it was he whose penalty Joe Hart saved early in the penalty competition.

Rodwell could be a key player for England in the U-20 World Cup in Egypt in September; that is, if Everton permit him to play. When England last qualified for this tournament in 2003, their scratch squad was full of misfits, with the country’s best teenagers such as Wayne Rooney busy with their club sides. All players born in 1989 or later are eligible but will players like Theo Walcott, Danny Welbeck, Dan Gosling, Jack Wilshere, Daniel Sturridge, James Tomkins, Kieran Gibbs, Junior Stanislas and Fabian Delph be able to get away from their club duties? For the future, the tournament surely needs moving to July.

***

They’ve been talking about ‘dangerous floaters’ at Wimbledon; meaning, presumably, a decent player who is unseeded and could upset a few of the big names in the earlier rounds, as opposed to something sharp they’re putting in the Pimms pitchers.

We have them in football too; it is appetizing to know that neither Real Madrid nor Juventus will be among the top seeds (Barcelona, Liverpool, Chelsea, Manchester Utd, Milan, Sevilla, Bayern Munich and Internazionale). Should Arsenal qualify, Inter will become another unseeded menace, meaning we could have some rare big-time group stage matches in this season’s competition. What price Real Madrid, with Cristiano Ronaldo in tow, returning to Old Trafford in the early months of the season?

The Barcelona star was also linked with a move away from the club last summer but decided to stay after no concrete offers were received. Eto’o went on to play a key role in Barca’s treble winning season but City’s millions should ensure his loyalty will be tested to the limit this summer.

Barcelona’s president Joan Laporta has described City’s offer to Eto’o as “stratospheric” and while the Eastlands club have not confirmed any details, recent reports seem to back up Laporta’s claims, by suggesting that the 28 year old has been offered wages of up to £250,000 per week. Should these reports prove to be true, Eto’o will have the opportunity to become the highest-paid player in the world.

The Cameroon international is well known for his goalscoring prowess and has scored over 100 goals for Barcelona since joining the club in 2004. He also has a record of around a goal every other game for his country and is sure to add even more fire-power to a Manchester City attack that already includes Roque Santa Cruz, Craig Bellamy and former Real Madrid star Robinho.

City boss Mark Hughes has wasted little time on the transfer front this summer and should Eto’o become his latest signing it will take Hughes’ summer spending to around £55million. With Joleon Lescott and Carlos Tevez just two of the other players to be strongly linked with the club, it seems a safe football bet that the Welshman’s spending spree won’t be stopping anytime soon.

They are both indebted to a high-quality but barely fit number ten called Pienaar: Steven, the Everton winger, who missed the opening match against Iraq; Ruan, the fly half, whose four penalty goals won the first Test against the Lions, with the Boks outscored by three tries to two.  And the both, the constant needle in the side of South African sport is still present: race.

But then, there is a tendency to overdo the issue as significant progress has undoubtedly been made.  South Africa’s hero in the rugby was a black prop named Tendai Mtawarira, who breaks the old stereotype of the Springboks consisting of 13 white men and two fast black wings.  Mtawarira, albeit on the very border of legality, destroyed Phil Vickery in the scrum in the first half, inducing many of South Africa’s decisive penalties.

And Bafana Bafana’s fans have a new cult hero in 32-year-old Matthew Booth, a white central defender who stands at six feet six inches, stands out for many reasons other than his skin colour.  In a back three alongside Aaron Mokoena and Benson Mhlongo, he is head and shoulders above his partners, and not just in terms of his height.  Strong in the air and adept with his left foot, it is not hard to see why Booth made a decent fist of a career in Russia with Rostov and Krylia Sovetov for seven years before his return, earlier this year, to Mamelodi Sundowns.

There was still room, though, for a few South African papers to jump the gun and find racism where it didn’t exist.  The crowd - mostly black - appeared to be booing Booth from the word go against Iraq.  Was this a sign of what certain reactionary types like to call ‘inverse racism’?  Were black South Africans, for so long excluded from rugby union, making football their own turf?

Actually, no, they weren’t.  They were merely chanting ‘Boooooth’, in the same way that Manchester Utd fans used to sing ‘Ruuuuud’ whenever Ruud van Nistelrooy scored a goal at Old Trafford.  Booth is one of South Africa’s most popular players and it is not hard to see why; he is without conceit, hard working and one of the squad’s more able players.

Contrast this with Benni McCarthy, now public enemy number one in South African football due to his perceived ‘laissez faire’ attitude to the national side.  He is not in the Confederations Cup squad and sensible people are not putting money on him returning for the World Cup.

It is a relief that South Africa reached the semi finals; it will at last give them some momentum ahead of next year’s World Cup.  They are clearly not a great side but in striker Bernard Parker - two goal hero in the win over New Zealand - they have a potential source of goals and Steven Pienaar and Tsepo Masilela bring quality out wide.  The World Cup needs a strong South African side to match the fine atmosphere in the grounds.

***

Speaking of which, if we are going to have an African World Cup we might as well permit it to feel African.  If the vuvuzela, the confounded horn that is evidently the scourge of football commentators and pundits throughout Britain, is part of local culture then it must be part of the World Cup.  At least in the years following the World Cup, you’ll know when you’re watching a clip from the tournament.  And it’s no worse than those horns at the 1982 World Cup in Spain.

***

Has there ever been a more sensational comeback from an international side in a final group stage match than the United States last night?  They had to beat Egypt by three goals to finish above the north African side and then hope for a miracle in Pretoria and that is just what happened, with Brazil scoring three times in a devastating nine-minute spell at the end of the first half against an Italian side lacking fight and quality.  But even the Italian defense, for so long its great strength, looked hapless with Fabio Cannavaro now looking every one of his 35 years.

The USA beat Egypt 3-0 but had to cling on in the dying minutes; had either Egypt or Italy pulled back to 3-1 the Americans would have finished bottom of the group.  It is a long time since a team with two defeats progressed through an international group, save for the bad old days of 1986-1994 when the World Cup had six groups and four of the third-placed nations qualified for Round 2.

There was Chile in 1998, who finished second in Group B without winning a match, drawing 2-2 with Italy and 1-1 with Austria and Cameroon.  Curiously, Belgium also drew their three group matches in that tournament but due to other results were eliminated behind Holland and Mexico.

***

European football seemed to be turned on its head on Thursday when England Under-21s beat their Spanish counterparts 2-0 in Gothenburg playing fine football, James Milner particularly showing class to come back from missing a first-half penalty to scoring the second goal in the 73rd minute, set up by a run down the left from Theo Walcott.

Walcott was demoted to the bench following his anaemic performance in the narrow win over Finland in the opening match but put his pace and fresh legs to good use against Spain’s shaky defense which gifted Fraizer Campbell the opening goal.  England had speed aplenty in attack, while Spain’s was largely insipid.  After no goals in two matches, they are virtually out and lack the potency and artistry of their senior side.

There were optimistic signs too in central midfield.  Fabio Capello has long held concerns about England’s lack of a genuine holding midfielder - he clearly does not rate Phil Neville in the rôle and Owen Hargreaves’s knee could bring his career to a premature close - but Fabrice Muamba was outstanding and Lee Cattermole also excelled.  For too long Cattermole has looked like a red card waiting to happen but against Spain he was composed, assured and authoritative.

We mustn’t be too hard on the Spanish.  They were indeed desperately poor against England; they had plenty of possession and passed the ball neatly but lacked penetration and their finishing - on the occasions when they had the opportunity to test it - was wayward, either off target or straight at Joe Hart.  But consider the plethora of players born in or after 1986 who were absent, otherwise engaged at the Confederations Cup.  Would a Spain U-21 team containing Sergio Ramos, Gerard Piqué, David Silva, Juan Mata, Cesc Fàbregas and Sergi Busquets have been so outclassed?

***

In the end, it appears Fergie did try to ‘sign him up’ but Carlos Tévez decided he wasn’t really at home at Old Trafford and now faces the difficult (ahem) choice between Manchester City, a team not playing in Europe and unlikely to challenge for the title next season, and Chelsea, who are.  Tévez at Stamford Bridge is a salivating thought, especially in partnership with either Nicolas Anelka or Didier Drogba.

Chelsea, though, have already gained two forwards this summer, while one, the Israeli Ben Sahar, has been sold to Espanyol.  Claudio Pizarro and Andriy Shevchenko return from loan spells at Werder Bremen and Milan respectively and there is every chance that both will spend the season at Chelsea.  Shevchenko will be impossible to offload but the fact that he continues to score for Ukraine - he netted in the 2-2 draw in Croatia earlier this month - suggests that he still has quality even if his pace has disappeared.

***

The final round of Asian World Cup qualifying was a political minefield; would South Korea take it easy against Iran in Seoul to help North Korea get knocked out?  Would the instability at home affect the Iranian side?

There was something heartening about the Iranian players’ demonstration, wearing the green armbands of the opposition, and their performance was good.  Iran will rue, though, the late equalizer of Park Ji-Sung which, coupled with North Korea somehow holding on for a 0-0 draw in Riyadh sees Iran eliminated, with Saudi Arabia taking the play-off berth in Group B.

Group A closed with a dead rubber in Melbourne, Australia defeating Japan 2-1, and a key match in Riffa in which Bahrain beat Uzbekistan 1-0 with a fine free-kick from Mahmood Abdulrahman to seal the play-off place.  They meet over two legs in September with the winner facing New Zealand for the 32nd and final spot in the World Cup.

But it is the qualification of North Korea that grabbed the headlines and leaves FIFA shuffling nervously, hoping no reason emerges in the next year to have to expel the side they continue to term ‘Korea DPR’ from the tournament (though an Iranian success would hardly have dispelled that fear).  What if North Korea should be drawn in the same group as the United States, they were asking on the BBC message boards.  In reality, it would probably end up an orgy of public relations niceties in the mould of America’s meeting with Iran in 1998, when the team captains Ahmadreza Abedzadeh and Tom Dooley exchanged flowers, pennants and book tokens before kick-off.

Just 12 months before you prepare to step-out and defend your world crown, in the knowledge that all others will want to block your path and that the pressure will be greater than ever before, the final minor alterations should be being made and the confidence growing, alongside a nervous anticipation.

But Italy’s preparations have been, thus far, disastrous. In fact, not since that epic night in Berlin three summers ago have the Azzurri performed like world champions.

Roberto Donadoni was Marcello Lippi’s replacement following victory over France but flopped at the European Championships last year, meekly emerging from the group stages with another victory over an even poorer France side before playing for penalties in the quarter-finals against Spain - and promptly losing the shoot-out.

In Austria/Switzlerland, they were being thrashed by a fluent Dutch side and drawing versus minnows Romania. In South Africa, for the Confederations Cup, they fell to minnows Egypt in the most pathetic manner and were then outrageously outplayed by a brilliant Brazil side. Dunga’s team will be the ones lifting the World Cup next year if they can continue their irresistible pass-and-move game amidst an array of sizzling superstar players. While Italy registered just three goals (fewer than both the USA and Egypt), Brazil notched ten. It’s a telling difference between the increasingly different sides.

The torch was passed over in eight first-half minutes: Brazil were consummate as they scored three times past Italy’s chief weapon of decades past, their defence. The mixture of youth and experience at the back proved a cocktail laced with incompetence and debacle.

Fabio Cannavaro is too old for the international scene; his Juventus team-mate Giorgio Chiellini is at the opposite end of the age scale, but seems too inexperienced and too prone to the foul rather than the ball. And finally to Dossena, who may also be destined for Juventus. Culpable for the third goal - first by playing Robinho onside, and then by directing his cross into his own goal - and a liability throughout, he epitomised Italy’s struggles.

Experience over age? Old versus the new generation? These questions linger after the embarrassing Confederations Cup exit, Lippi so far providing only an ill-advised mix between the extreme opposites.

The defence in pieces, Italy could not rely on an utterly toothless attack either. The long-legged Luca Toni demonstrated that he will probably never make it for Italy, his replacement Alberto Gilardino confirming these sentiments with another ineffectual display and while Giuseppe Rossi starred against the USA, he cut a frustrated and angry figure against Brazil despite being in the knowledge that just one goal would have taken Italy into the semi-finals.

Yet if Italy had progressed, it would have been about as just as Australia’s recent acceptance into the Asian football federation.

Any of the Italian starting eleven would have merited half-time substitution. Had Lippi been permitted to make eleven changes, he surely would have. While the defence and attack are more obviously blameworthy, the midfield was perhaps the most depressing aspect.

Mauro Camoranesi is nearing 33 and has looked past his best for some time. Riccardo Montolivo, a talent touted for the future, didn’t perform adequately and serious questions must be asked over his ability to lead out a new Italian generation, starting from next year’s World Cup.

Andrea Pirlo was man-of-the-match when Italy picked up the Jules Rimet trophy, but his dead-ball delivery was consistently poor and influence negligible in this tournament. Daniele De Rossi, frequently the squad’s heart and soul, was also marginalised by the ineffectiveness of the other uninspired players.

Thus, with the these same Italians set to play in the same country one year from now, the World Cup trophy is silently, and without a struggle, being removed from Cannavaro’s ageing arms, ready to return to its natural home in South America.

Hope sits with the likes of Santon and Quagliarella but with others such as Gattuso and Legrottaglie lingering, it may be a case of one step forward, two back for Italy.

The other leading nations - Argentina, Spain, Germany and even England - cannot be dismissed but Brazil will once again be the side with the greatest pool of talent and the highest expectations. The 2006 side were abysmal as European footballing nations ruled in their home continent, but in the neutral location of Africa, the anticipation lies with Brazil to perform as they are billed - football’s masters.

Meanwhile, Italy could be heading towards another disaster. Lippi’s legacy is forever secure, but the amount of work he must carry out within such a short period is frightening. If he is unable to pave over the numerous, ever-expanding cracks by June next year, Italy might be staring at an early exit - but perhaps more crucially, arrive without the presence and prestige of being the world’s top team and without the performances to back-up their 2006 success.

The biggest let-down for supporters is when the supposed best fail to transpire, but Italy’s woes suggest that the South African supporters will be experiencing a sense of déjà vu come next summer.

Barcelona are amongst the sides said to be chasing Argentina captain Mascherano, while big spending Real Madrid president Florentino Perez has already stated his interest in Xabi Alonso. However Liverpool manager Rafael Benitez has made it clear that he does not want either player to leave and according to a statement on the club’s website: “Liverpool has received no official approach or offer from any club regarding the players… Neither is for sale”.

Last season saw Liverpool finish as league top scorers and achieve their highest ever Premier League points total. This was in no small part thanks to the central midfield trio of Gerrard, Alonso and Mascherano. By playing Alonso and Mascherano in holding roles, captain Steven Gerrard was allowed more freedom; a tactical switch that has clearly contributed to Liverpool’s new-found attacking threat.

With transfer funds limited, many managers would have been tempted to cash in on at least one of the players but not Benitez it seems. After hearing claims that Barcelona were interested in Mascherano, the Spaniard was quick and firm with his response: “Barcelona could not afford to match his value to Liverpool – they can offer £50million, we don’t want to sell,”

He continued: “Clubs can forget about bidding for him – he has no price and he’s happy here.”

But While Mascherano’s future has rarely been in doubt, the same cannot be said for Xabi Alonso. The 27 year old came within a whisker of a transfer away from Anfield last summer, with Gareth Barry set to replace him. However neither deal came to fruition and Alonso went on to enjoy arguably his best season at the club.

So while many around Europe are splashing the cash, Liverpool and Rafa Benitez can be content by merely keeping what they already possess. Given their last 14 games of the season reaped 11 wins and 43 goals that may not be a bad policy.

By Josh Allen

Since that early golden period, though, the former Santos star’s form has slipped – openly bickering with his manager Mark Hughes and earning himself the unwanted label of a ‘luxury’ player; a most dreaded title given the unforgiving blood-and-thunder nature of the Premier League.

In the January transfer window talk began to circulate of an impending move to Serie A, with both Inter and Lazio among his supposed suitors. That talk has barely been assuaged by Elano’s apparent resurgence in a City shirt towards the end of last season. With a limitless war-chest, it’s widely accepted that Hughes may well be tempted to offload a player with whom he clearly does not see eye-to-eye, in order to clear space for a raft of incoming stars.

The question must be posed, however, just who the manager with the deepest pockets in football might expect to replace his wayward star with? Clearly, recruitment of top quality, Champions League-standard players is proving an onerous task – even for a club offering silly money to its prospective employees (e.g. Kaká and Eto’o). Notwithstanding his mixed start to life in England, Elano is a footballer of such distinction.

Anyone fortunate enough to have cast an eye over Brazil’s enormously entertaining 4-3 Confederations Cup defeat of Egypt, on Monday afternoon, will have noted that two of the Seleçao’s first half goals were prompted by the sweet right foot of their impressive no.7. Throughout the hour of playing time he was afforded by Brazil coach Dunga, Elano troubled the African champions with a series of tantalising free-kicks and crosses – resulting in headed goals for both Sevilla’s Luís Fabiano and the giant central defender Juan, of Roma. Dovetailing nicely with the exuberance of Dani Alves on the right flank, the 28-year-old’s display highlighted his compatibility with a flying full-back. Micah Richards (if he can re-find his game) or perhaps Glen Johnson, should he head north this summer, can only benefit from Elano’s experience and clever link-up play.

The esteem in which the versatile midfielder is held by Dunga is clear to regular observers of Brazil, and goals in high-profile friendlies against both Portugal and Italy last season only served to boost his status further. While the Copa America champions have leaked a little of their once-luminous aura and are no longer feared above all in the footballing world – imperious Spain now hold that honour – it is still a symbol of great worth to don that bright yellow jersey.

On international duty, not only does Elano’s application and intelligence allow Dani Alves (or the similarly able Maicon) to raid forward at will, his continued inclusion in Dunga’s starting XI is due, in part, to his telepathic understanding with his City teammate Robinho. The two are great friends off the field and, along with Juventus’ new playmaker Diego, provided the impetus behind the Santos superteam of the mid-noughties. Occasionally, throughout the course of last season, the pair’s longstanding kinship rose to the surface – particularly on home turf. To have an extravagant collection of star names (see Real Madrid 09/10) can take you so far, but to foster genuine partnerships such as those of Gerrard and Torres or Xavi/Iniesta can elevate an also-ran into genuine contenders for the top prizes.

If for no other reason, perhaps Hughes might consider retaining Elano in order to keep his biggest star (and ego) sweet. Milan once handed Digão – Kaká’s nondescript brother – a contract, with the transparent aim of keeping their top man happy. OK, so the lure of a starring role in ‘Galacticos! Part Deux’ has seen Kaká depart Milanello in any case, but Hughes would do well to heed this lesson. It’s possible that Robinho’s apparently wavering interest in the grand City ‘project’ can be revived by the prospect of a fruitful partnership with his footballing brother-in-arms. If Elano does leave, then Robbie’s future in Manchester will be in serious jeopardy.

For the man himself, the grass may not necessarily be greener in Serie A. Inter’s interest may be on the wane due to their impending purchase of Deco. Lazio endured an inconsistent 08/09 season and the biancocelesti would not be expected to qualify for Champions League football anytime soon. There is some speculation that Juventus would be prepared to swap David Trezeguet for Elano, but that prospect seems a little fanciful at this stage.

If he felt that he enjoyed the full support of the City management, Elano would surely be delighted to stay and play a part in the planned rise and rise of the Citizens. Bravely resisting the temptation to splash out on a number of new and untried recruits, Sparky should look within to find a ready-made star.

FOR THE PATRIOT

• England have qualified for the UEFA Under-21 European Championship, an eight team tournament in Sweden, in which England play their first match at 5.30 tonight against Finland.  Follow Stuart Pearce’s side as they aim to better their 2007 finish as beaten semi-finalists.  All matches live on Sky Sports.

FOR THE STUDENT OF THE GAME

• There are the final round of Asian World Cup Qualifying group matches on Wednesday, in which the winner of Saudi Arabia v North Korea book a plane ticket to South Africa.  Should that match be drawn, an Iranian victory in South Korea (hello, conspiracy theorists) would put them through in second place, with North Korea taking the play-off spot ahead of the Saudis on goal difference.  In the other group, Bahrain host Uzbekistan needing just a point to beat their opponents to the other play-off spot, while Australia and Japan have already sealed qualification.  Live matches on Eurosport.

• Then on Saturday, there’s the latest round of African Qualifying matches, in which major powers Cameroon and Egypt are already struggling.  Cameroon travel to Gabon in Group A knowing a defeat would be catastrophic, while Morocco urgently need to pick up three points at home to Togo.  Burkina Faso and the Ivory Coast meet in Ouagadougou in Group E, with both having won their first two matches.  Egypt’s match at home to Rwanda is delayed until 5 July because of their involvement in…

• …the FIFA Confederations Cup, which began yesterday.  South Africa couldn’t break down a terrible unambitious Iraq before Spain made mincemeat of New Zealand.  Group B starts this afternoon with Brazil v Egypt and then United States v Italy this evening.  All matches live on BBC interactive or BBC Three.

• The CONCACAF Gold Cup (3-26 July) is the North American equivalent of the European Championship, held as usual in the United States.  Highlights include Haiti v Grenada, Canada v El Salvador and Guadeloupe v Nicaragua.

FOR THE CLUB ENTHUSIAST

• All manner of pre-season tours take place in July with the Premier League sides flung to the four corners of the Earth.  The Wembley Cup (24-26 July) involves Celtic, Tottenham, Barcelona and Cairo’s Al-Ahly, before Hull, West Ham and Tottenham again take part in the Premier League Asia Trophy in China (29-31 July).  Arsenal host the Emirates cup (1-2 August) which comprises themselves, Rangers, Paris St-Germain and Atlético Madrid.  All tournaments on Sky Sports.

• Manchester Utd tour the far east, as ever, with matches in Malaysia, Indonesia and China on MUTV.

FOR THE NOSTALGIC

• The Masters Cup, that dependable staple of Sky Sports during June and July, continues until the final on 25 July.

FOR THE DESPERATE

• If all else fails, follow the qualifying rounds of the UEFA Champions League and Europa League.  The champions of Montenegro, Andorra, Malta and San Marino kick off the Champions League on 30 June before Bohemians, Rhyl and Glentoran come in on 14 July.

• In the Europa League, Motherwell play their first qualifying round, first leg match on 2 July, as do Llanelli, the New Saints, Sligo Rovers, Linfield and Lisburn Distillery.  Channel Five should get interested in the third qualifying round, when Fulham enter the draw.  Their first leg is on 30 July.

• Eurosport have live J-League coverage each week, while Setanta (if they still exist) have the League of Ireland.

• Cricket.

***

We find out, too, the fixture list for the 2009-10 season in England on Wednesday, which is when we can all trot out the usual questions: Why are Portsmouth playing at Blackburn on a Monday night?  Why have (insert your team here) not played at home on Boxing Day since Douglas-Home was prime minister?  And, if you’re a certain knight of the realm from the Glasgow area, why are Manchester Utd always given tricky away matches after European weeks?

It will be a dispiriting day for Newcastle Utd fans, particularly if they get a trip to Scunthorpe Utd or Peterborough Utd.  Worse still for fans of former Premier League clubs done bad, Southampton, Norwich City and Charlton Athletic, as they prepare for arduous trips to Yeovil, Carlisle or Exeter.

***

If the Confederations Cup has a point, it is to provide the World Cup hosts to be with competitive football amid a plethora of friendlies.  So yesterday we learned, alas, that South Africa have a long way to go to be competitive next summer.  Their draw with Iraq at Ellis Park - sorry, Coca-Cola Park - was so dreadful it brought back memories of the bad old days when, between 1966 and 1978, there was not a single goal in the four opening matches of the World Cup.

In 1966 there was England’s false start against the über-defensive Uruguayans at Wembley, in which the visitors’ captain Horacio Troche was employed to roam behind a flat back four with the South Americans employing the same cynical heavy-handedness that would so endear them to the Scots twenty years later.

In 1970, hosts Mexico were held by the USSR at the Azteca in a match notable only for the first World Cup substitution, when the Soviets brought on Anatoliy Puzach, the Dynamo Kyiv striker, for another Ukrainian, the midfielder Viktor Serebryanikov.  Do not be fooled by the superficially attacking nature of that change.

Then in 1974, the tournament structure was altered so the holders, Brazil, would play the opening match of the championship.  They were not, fair to say, comparable with the brilliant side of four years earlier, and followed the opening ceremony with a goalless draw against Yugoslavia in Frankfurt.

In 1978, the West Germans, champions on home soil in ‘74, faced Poland at Buenos Aires’s Monumental stadium.  In echoes of ‘66, the Germans employed an ill-suited sweeper, Manfred Kaltz of Hamburg, who was normally found at right-back.  The run was broken, hallelujah, by Belgium in 1982, when Erwin Vandenbergh netted against Argentina.  It was the only goal of the match.

***

Sepp Blatter: Oh dear.  He addressed the Johannesburg crowd in the manner of an embarrassing uncle trying to entertain the guests at a wedding reception - arms pumping awkwardly like a cross between Valeri Gergiev and Boris Johnson - and his lines bungled disastrously, forgetting, for a moment, the name of the country of which Jacob Zuma is president.  He did not even attempt one of the most basic skills of the actor, how to ride the audience, pausing constantly to let the slightest ripple of applause (they like him in Africa, you know) die down.  He really should read some Stanislavski.

The gist of our great leader’s exposition was that the world ‘trusts’ Africa not to bugger up the World Cup; that the pitches will not be hastily mown rugby fields, that the stands will be full and that crime will be combatted effectively, particularly in murder hotspot Johannesburg.

So it was ironic to see Rustenburg’s ground half empty for the Spain v New Zealand match, locals evidently priced out of attending what is hardly, after all, the highest profile football competition in the world.  I don’t believe for a second this will be repeated at the World Cup - just you try to get a ticket - but it was a disappointment.  Blatter’s legacy will be written after the World Cup finishes next year.

Kaka and Ronaldo

Spain will have the world’s top three players for next season’s La Liga campaign, cementing its place as the world’s top league.

Real Madrid’s extraordinary purchasing power - snapping up Kaka and Cristiano Ronaldo in a matter of days when both looked untouchable at their respective clubs just a few months ago - has left them with the strongest squad on the continent. David Villa will complete an unbelievable attacking line-up as fantasy football becomes reality in one barmy summer.

But perhaps an intriguing, and understated, subplot is the dramatic divergences between the two players that cost nearly £140m between them.

Kaka welcomed Ronaldo with the typical amicable words, but the Portuguese must appear as an anti-Christ to the former AC Milan playmaker.

The Brazilian is stoutly religious. His intense faith originated after he recovered from a potentially career-threatening injury while in Brazil. He is rarely seen without his ‘I Belong To Jesus’ shirt, now in mass production and selling like any popular piece of club merchandise, and was a virgin until his wedding night - at 23 years of age. He plans to spread the word of God after his career does come to an end, and already donates heavily to the church, particularly in his home country.

Ronaldo may offer pretences that God plays a similarly integral role in his life, but his off-the-field antics suggests differently. From his orgy with a group of call-out girls, alongside former-teammates Nani and Anderson at his Manchester house, to various girlfriends - always beautiful and always keen to show-off their assets - the 24-year-old is never far from controversy.

He is petulant, stubborn, greedy and frequently goes against the notion of fair play that Kaka holds so closely to his heart. Ronaldo’s actions in Portugal’s World Cup quarter-final with England in 2006 were outrageous, when he helped get club teammate Wayne Rooney sent-off, before winking in a manner that made even softy-softly Alan Shearer advocate a merited punch.

He wrote off his Ferrari 599 GTB Fiorano in Manchester this January and constantly causes a love-hate relationship amongst fans. His talents are on par with those of Kaka, but his arrogance and ego are off the scale.

Ronaldo’s loyalty towards the club that helped developed him into an £80m property has constantly been in question while his hormones seem to explode upon the season’s end as summer arrives.

So while they could form a sizzling on-pitch partnership, as Real Madrid face the pressures of their spending, it seems unlikely Kaka and Ronaldo will be paying each other visits in their new Madrid mansions any time soon.

So it’s finally done. The best player to have worn a Manchester United shirt in 40 years has finally got his wish, and barring miracles he will join Real Madrid this summer after years of hankering.

Manchester United fans will be initially distraught, but this cloud has a golden lining. At £80m the time was right to sell Ronaldo and had he stayed another year his value would have surely be reduced by at least £20m with only two years remaining on his contract. And most importantly, he wanted to leave. So that’s done and dusted once and for all - thank the Lord.

Now for the golden lining. Even if, as expected, the Ronaldo money is paid over several seasons, United’s transfer kitty now looks more healthy than ever at a time when they really need to freshen things up. Fans can expect at least one blockbuster signing over the coming weeks. Wigan’s Antonio Valencia played brilliantly when United visited the JJB in April and will offer natural width to the starting eleven, leaving Wayne Rooney to play in his natural and most effective role once more. Karim Benzema has also long been coveted by Sir Alex and he may still be tempted to Old Trafford.

But the one potentially available player that would undoubtedly suit United best is Cesc Fabregas. Many pundits argue that United missed a battler in midfield in the Champions League final, in the Essien mould. But this is nonsense. United’s main problem in Rome was that they couldn’t hold onto the ball when they had it. Time and time again, possession was wasted by United, and the real difference between the sides was Iniesta and, to a lesser degree, Xavi – players who controlled the game by making the right passes at the right time. And kept possession beautifully.

Barca certainly didn’t have an Essien on the pitch that night. No, the real problem is that United, for all their strengths, no longer have a midfield visionary. Michael Carrick is an excellent all round midfielder, but the demise of Paul Scholes has been the defining factor in United’s inability to retain the European Champions League. They have an abundance of scrappers in Anderson, Fletcher and Hargreaves (when fit) but noone with the majesty to make the difference at the very top level from the centre of the park.

Scholes’ season has been a painful sight for the United faithful as he has visibly aged, refused to shoot and hit more wayward passes than in his previous ten seasons combined. Fergie stuck with Scholes in many big games largely because he has noone else that can do that job. And because Sir Alex no longer has this visionary midfielder, all the forwards are dropping too deep to try and make that killer pass, so Berbatov, Rooney et al are often found in the wrong part of the pitch, playing as providers instead of finishers.

But Fabregas would change all that. If he was the centrepiece of the United midfield it would allow the strikers to remain in more dangerous areas of the pitch and therefore United would keep their shape when it mattered. He is one of the most intelligent footballers in the game, sees and executes the pass better than most, keeps the ball moving and scores goals. It’s impossible to know whether Fabregas is on Fergie’s radar but he would make the perfect summer signing for Manchester United. Above anyone else, it is Fabregas that Fergie should be looking at now. £35m of loose change from the Ronaldo deal should secure his services.

OK everybody, comb your hair, put on your best suit and prepare for an evening of hearing an orchestral arrangement of Take That’s “Rule The World” eighteen times, it’s award time.  The silver polish has been applied and the Poland Cup is awarded to Japan, whose heroic 1-0 win in, er, Uzbekistan, earns them the title of First Team To Qualify For The World Cup.

Hot on their heels are Australia, whose dire 0-0 draw in Qatar was nevertheless enough to seal progress to South Africa.  South Korea, also, qualified with a 2-0 win in the United Arab Emirates, aided by an atrocious goalkeeping blunder by Majed Naser which let Ki Sung-Yeung score the crucial second goal.

Keeping up the sequence of Guus Hiddink’s former charges reaching the World Cup with a full year to spare, Holland won 2-1 in Iceland to secure top spot in Group 9, probably the most one-sided qualification group in European football history.  Holland have six wins out of six, a record matched only by Spain and England.

***

Good news for Scotland: their hopes of taking second place in UEFA Group 9 behind the Dutch were boosted as Macedonia and Norway drew 0-0 in Skopje.  Macedonia host Iceland on Wednesday night and another draw will be music to the ears of George Burley’s side.  Norway go to Rotterdam on Wednesday night with little hope of victory, even if Holland no longer have anything to play for other than FIFA World Ranking points to consolidate their seeded status for December’s draw.

It would be a cynical view - and therefore mine - that it says something about Scotland’s chances that one of their better days has been one in which they have not played.  Even if the other mid-ranking teams in the group are all taking points off each other, Scotland must take at least a point in Norway in August and then beat Macedonia in Glasgow or they face the prospect of being the worst of the nine group runners-up and being excluded from the play-off draw.

Another decent day for the Republic of Ireland, whose 1-1 draw in Bulgaria puts them in a commanding position in Group 8, where a second place finish would bring with it a play-off spot.  As long as they don’t slip up in Cyprus on 5 September, second spot should be theirs, particularly as Bulgaria must still play in Italy.

Slovakia have taken top spot in Group 3 off Northern Ireland as expected by putting San Marino to the sword, 7-0 in Bratislava.  Slovakia now look very likely to win the group with home games still to come against Slovenia, who don’t travel well, and the Czech Republic, who are so depleted after the mass bans handed out following the loss to Slovakia in the first Velvet Derby in Prague.

Then there’s England, who still manage to attract criticism even when they beat a nation of 15 million people after a seven hour flight in a match played at altitude on a potato field.  While it is true that they didn’t adapt their longer passing to the thin air in Almaty and that it took forty minutes to take the lead those are hardly cardinal sins.  A 4-0 away win against a team who are not remotely comparable with the likes of San Marino or Liechtenstein is fine, thank you very much.

We can ignore, too, those who use Kazakhstan’s disallowed goal as evidence of a defensive malaise; had Sergei Ostapenko been onside, he probably wouldn’t even have reached the cross and the ball would have sailed out of play without need for further analysis.

England won twice on Saturday, in fact, as Croatia drew 2-2 with Ukraine in Zagreb, the second draw between the two sides in Group 6.  If we assume England thrash the appalling Andorra on Wednesday (and they will), England only need a draw against Croatia at Wembley on 9 September to qualify, and that is only if Croatia can beat Belarus home and away between now and then.  In other words, full steam ahead South Africa.

***

Words which are not being said in some of Africa’s footballing powerhouses.  Cameroon find themselves bottom of Group 1 after following up their miserable defeat to Togo in an ‘away’ match played on neutral territory with a goalless draw against Morocco at home.  Gabon, whose best player plays for Hull City, are top of that group.

Double African champions Egypt were caught with one eye on their Confederations Cup fixtures against Brazil and Italy as they lost 3-1 to North African rivals Algeria in Blida, which for them is a bit like England losing to Germany in Munich, except Germany are quite good.

Perhaps we should not be surprised by Egypt’s struggles.  For decades they have been winning the Cup of Nations regularly (1986, 1998, 2006, 2008) but have only qualified for one world cup, Italia 90, in modern times.  After taking just one point from two winnable matches, they don’t look like they deserve to be in South Africa next year.

There are no such worries for Tunisia, Ghana and Ivory Coast, who all have two wins out of two and look strong candidates for a repeat World Cup journey next summer.  The Ivory coast are vulnerable though, they travel to Burkina Faso a week on Saturday to face Africa’s dark horses.  The Burkinabe have two wins out of two; a commanding 4-2 win at home to Guinea, who are underperforming as ever, and a 1-0 win in Malawi on Saturday.  As ever, Africa provides the most even and unpredictable qualifying tournament.

***

Anybody who wants to put England’s result into context can examine Portugal’s result, a 2-1 win in Albania achieved only with a 93rd minute winner from Bruno Alves, the big Porto centre-back.

Albania are better than Kazakhstan, but only marginally.  Portugal remain a ponderous side, lacking penetration, confidence and sensible tactics from their harried manager, the former Manchester Utd number two Carlos Queiroz, who is doing about as well with his country as he did on his last sojourn into management at Real Madrid.

With Denmark winning 1-0 in Stockholm, all but ending Sweden’s hopes of making top spot in Group 1, Portugal now have renewed hope of taking a play-off berth behind the seemingly unstoppable Danes.  Hungary may have four points advantage over them but they have played all their easy matches against Albania and Malta and will do well to get another win in the rest of the campaign.

***

We welcome back our old friends Brazil, who have remembered how to play football again with a 4-0 win in Uruguay, despite being reduced to ten men in the second half when Luís Fabiano was sent off for diving (he didn’t, actually).  The Sevilla striker had already bagged a superb goal but the memorable moment of the match was Uruguay goalkeeper Sebastián Viera failing top stop a hopeful long-range punt from right-back Daniel Alves.  Saturday was not a good day to be a goalkeeper.

What, though, is the problem with Argentina?  They seemed to be suffering from a Bolivia hangover as they stumbled to a 1-0 win over Colombia in Buenos Aires, their goal coming from defender Daniel Díaz volleying in from a corner.  Their supreme forward line of Carlos Tévez, Daniel Milito and Lionel Messi struggled to break down the Colombian defense and Diego Maradona’s tactics, a curious 3-3-1-3 formation (with Jonás Gutiérrez as the one, I ask you), causing only disarray at the back and confusion up front.  Only when Javier Zanetti was brought on at half-time and a back four employed did Argentina play anything like well.  Their defense remains a big worry; keeping a clean-sheet against the extraordinarily shot-shy Colombians (six goals in thirteen matches, fewer even than Peru) is hardly proof of dependability at the back.

The best performance of the weekend in South America, though, was Chile’s 2-0 win in Paraguay, who were top of the table on Saturday morning.  Spurred on by some quality wing play by Jean Beausejour and Alexis Sánchez, they took advantage of Paraguay’s continuing dip in form to bag a priceless win.

Ironically, Chile were, like Argentina, playing with a 3-3-1-3 formation but theirs was balanced, with Villarreal’s Matías Fernández revelling behind the irrepressible main striker, Humberto Suazo.  The formation is essentially 5-2-3 with attack-minded wing-backs and, unlike Argentina’s Gabriel Heinze, Chile’s former Liverpool player Mark González is a proper left wing-back.  They look like being on their way to the finals; there is now a five-point gulf between Argentina in fourth, the final automatic qualification spot, and Uruguay in fifth, which brings a play-off against a North American side.

Mind you, the race for fifth will be breathless, with Ecuador winning 2-1 in Peru to draw level with Uruguay on points, though they trail on goal difference.  Even Venezuela are only a point off the play-off spot, winning 1-0 away to Bolivia, who could not capitalize on any momentum gained from their drubbing of Argentina on 1 April.

***

If Portugal have a chance of qualifying after all, who will be the high profile absentees next summer?  Mexico are in deep brown stuff in North America, losing 2-1 in El Salvador, of all places, on Saturday.  If Mexico finish fourth they will struggle against a decent side from South America in a play-off.

Finally, a conspiracy theory: Iran and North Korea are probably competing for third place in Asia Group 2.  North Korea will do well to get anything from their last match in Saudi Arabia and Iran’s final match is in South Korea, who are hardly likely to want their neighbours to travel with them to the World Cup.  Mm.

Time, then, to re-assess the Monday Miscellany prediction of who the 32 competing nations will be at 2010:

AFRICA: South Africa, Gabon, Tunisia, Zambia, Ghana, Ivory Coast
ASIA / OCEANIA: Australia, Japan, South Korea, Saudi Arabia, Iran
EUROPE: Denmark, Switzerland, Slovakia, Germany, Spain, England, France, Italy, Holland, Portugal, Russia, Serbia, Republic Of Ireland
NORTH AMERICA: Costa Rica, USA, Mexico
SOUTH AMERICA: Brazil, Chile, Argentina, Paraguay, Ecuador